Judas and Mercy
by ArtemisPrime
Summary: A broken Jayne returns to Serenity and the crew reacts in their own way. Sequel to The Way.
1. Chapter 1

Judas and Mercy - By ArtemisPrime

Sequel to The Way

Disclaimer: all things Firefly/Serenity are the property of Whedon et al. I'm just playing with his toys.

Rating: NC-17 for some parts. My first time writing NC-17 so bare with me. You've been warned.

Note: the title is from Jeffrey Foucault's "Thistledown Tears". Great tune and the vid by Here's Luck does it complete justice.

_"Jayne. Jayne? Can ya hear me?"_

There was a silence on the ship that was disconcerting. River could feel it. She had walked the halls, stood in the hold and had asked it out loud, but could not understand why. Even suited in the vacuum of the black, she still could not discover the reason for the silence.

Until she stood on the catwalk railings with her ear to the ceiling, like she had that time before, did she realise. It wasn't that the people were quiet, tip-toe like, but Serenity was, too. The hum of comfort was gone.

Serenity was sad and River didn't know how to fix her.

She went to Kaylee to see what the ship was telling her, but the mechanic couldn't hear. Her own thoughts were filled with anguish and sorrow. Zoe had shut down her emotions, what little she allowed, to keep herself from breaking. River respected that barrier and sometimes wished she could do the same; maybe then she wouldn't be crazy.

Mal was locked, too. Hidden the key to where only Inara could find it.

Maybe, just maybe, Simon could help her this time.

She watched as he administered more sedatives to Jayne to keep him from feeling. Simon had tried the same with her, and it worked for a little while, but then the voices would return and she would get lost in the shuffle. Felt like the only time she was found was when she was causing pain.

Standing with her hand moving up the door, she continued her observation of her brother until he noticed her. "River. Is everything all right?"

She waited a moment before answering, letting her feet glide over the threshold into the lab that she despised. "It's too quiet."

Simon nodded. "It's late." He checked the vitals of his patient before going to her. "You should be asleep."

She shook her head. "Piloting the ship, but the ship doesn't know what to do."

The Doctor frowned. "I thought the Captain was going to Ezra to do maintenance and gather supplies."

River gazed at the broken man in front of her, letting her hand gently caress the blanket covering him. "Wants him better again so it will stop being quiet."

Simon picked up his pad from the nearby counter. "That's going to take a long time. Jayne's been pretty badly injured." _He's not alone in that regard_, he thought. _We all seem to be hurt in some way or another_.

"Need faith," River said, now standing next to her brother.

Simon huffed. "Faith isn't going to repair his bones or fix the holes inside him." He wrote something on the paper. He stopped when River went for his hand and looked to her. He couldn't say exactly what had convinced him, but seeing her expression so sure and confident gave him a glimmer of hope.

**Before**...

She didn't know how long she stood there at the window, watching, wondering what horribleness had afflicted the mercenary. But she knew it was bad.

No one tried to speak to her or offer words of comfort. The Captain had tried, once, to put his arm around her shoulders, but she was rigid. He sensed her desire for solitude and gave it.

It felt like years standing there taking in the scene. Simon's adept hands slowly made sense of the awfulness and attempted to give it some order from chaos. She was grateful for having him on board. He was the best, yet she feared that even the best wasn't going to put Jayne back together.

Only when Simon stepped back and removed his gloves did Kaylee venture in. Zoe had assisted where she could and now looked grimly at the mechanic. She washed up and left, not able to stand the sight any longer.

The Doctor stared briefly at Kaylee, unsure what to say. Instead, he pulled up the blanket to Jayne's shoulders and guided her towards the door.

"He gonna make it?" she asked in a small voice.

"Let's go outside," Simon instructed.

Not wanting to look away from Jayne's scarred face, not wanting to leave him, she had to be pulled gently into the lounge. She finally sat and felt her legs welcome the release.

Mal stood now. "Well, Doc?" He crossed his arms over his chest as a barrier to what he knew was going to be difficult.

Simon took a deep breath and slumped into the nearest chair. "I've never..." He rubbed his forehead and shut his eyes, but couldn't stop seeing the images.

Everyone waited in tense silence.

"I've never known the Alliance to do such...not even with River." He reached his hand to his sister which she took in a firm hold. Simon gazed at the crew, all so expectant of an answer that he had no idea how to begin. Even Zoe was cracking, her expression strained and tired.

"Weren't Alliance, Doctor." Mal's voice was even.

Simon's eyes widened in confusion. He began shaking his head. "Then who?" he finally managed to say.

"That's of no concern right now," Mal answered. "What is is the prognosis for Jayne. He gonna die?"

"Mal!" Inara called. "Can you be a little compassionate?" She nodded towards Kaylee whose hands were lightly shaking.

"I ain't got time fer compassion now." He faced Simon. "I need t'know if we need t'get Jayne t'more advanced facilities or not. 'Cause right now, we're flyin' in precisely th'middle of Alliance friendly territory. If it's all the same t'y'all, I'd rather not. So tell me, Doc, is Jayne gonna be playin' ball?"

"I still have plenty of medicine from Ariel," Simon said. "It should be enough."

"You tellin' me that Jayne's gonna make it then?"

Simon thought on the question a little. "Yes. I think so. Probably." He felt River squeeze his hand and looked to her.

"You're the best," she said with a smile. "No need to worry."

"Right then." Mal went to the stairs. "Now that we've got the Doc's credentials squared away, let's get the hump outta here. Albatross, yer with me."

River smiled with glee. "He's so cute when he's demanding and worried."

Mal stood at the weight bench and tapped his hand on the bar resting on the stand. He couldn't begin to guess how many hours Jayne, then Book, had spent pushing those stupid weights up and down. Mal couldn't understand such a fixation, seeing as a gun and quick kick to the knee often did the job.

But Jayne loved showing off his arms, seeing the looks of apprehension in the less desirables and of admiration in the women. He knew what the merc's appearance did to others and was quite proud of that fact. Mal supposed that the bench had offered a sense of accomplishment, something he suspected was lacking in Jayne's life.

With what the Doc had told him about Jayne's condition, he wondered if Jayne would ever get that sense again.

Shaking his head, Mal walked to the stairs of the catwalk and saw Inara looking down at him. Other than her admonishment of him earlier, they hadn't spoken since arriving on Serenity. Truth was, he didn't especially want to. He'd allowed himself to be vulnerable around her and he didn't much care for it.

The Companion now stood at the top of the stairs, her salmon coloured dress and brilliant blue robe standing out in the drab hold. She had watched Mal at the weight bench, saw his confusion on how someone so strong was now so weak. Saw it in himself, too.

"Inara," Mal said as he tried to pass her and head on to the second shuttle. He needed something to do to keep his mind from thinking on things he'd rather not.

"Mal," Inara responded with a tone that suggested for him to stop. "We'll get through this." She turned to face him.

"Will we?" He stepped to her. "'Cause with what I see, that ain't about t'happen."

"Simon is a very good doctor. He's doing everything he can for Jayne."

"That's not what I'm talkin' about." He stared into her dark eyes, his body wishing to take her there. His heart hoping beyond hope that she would give in to him.

Inara lowered her eyes, all too aware of Mal's meaning. "Sometimes in moments of passion, one can become overwhelmed-"

"No, Inara, don't start this." Mal felt a surge of anger and fought to suppress it. "Don't go professional. Not me. The truth, that's what I want. You tell me, clear and straight."

She held his gaze. "I don't know what you want me to say," she lied.

Mal deflated. "We'll be able t'drop ya off at th' Trainin' House in a few days." He heel turned without allowing the Companion to respond.

**Before...**

"Kaylee?" Simon had called. He was there when she nearly fell from her hammock and she knew. Knew what words he would struggle to say when his eyes did it all for him.

Righting herself, Simon joined her on the hammock and reached for her hand. It had felt warm and soft, just as she remembered. She interlaced her fingers with his and leaned her head on his shoulder.

They sat that way a long time, the thrum of the engine filling their bodies, the hammock slowly swinging. It was good, in its own way. Peaceful. Two people simply enjoying the warmth of the other.

Simon leaned his cheek on the top of Kaylee's head. "You are...special."

She lifted her head to look at him with a soft smile. "So are you." Her eyes traced the outline of his profile and down his neck. Her smile remained as she recalled the many times she had left her mark on that neck. Lifting her hand, she let her finger slide across his shoulder and into his chest and rested there. "Swai."

Both looked at each other, seeing a flush in the other's face. The mechanic heard the rush of her heart and the rush of air in and out of her lungs. Quickly, Kaylee kissed Simon hard and he responded. His left hand quickly worked its way into her hair, gripping the back of her head tightly while his right cupped her breast and squeezed. She moaned lightly, pulled back on the kiss and put his lower lip between her teeth. He nearly lost control.

Pushing her back, his left hand now worked its way under her shirt and felt her soft skin prickle as he exposed it to the air. Momentarily removing his hand from her breast, he pulled her tee over her head and pushed his lips once again into hers.

Kaylee pulled his belt with a whip, unzipped his pants and was rewarded with a large bulge under his shorts. His pants were quickly torn off and his shorts pulled down. He kicked his leg to rid himself of the trousers and lost his hold in the hammock. He fell heavily onto her.

"Sorry!" He awkwardly pulled himself up. "Guess I'm not much good at doing this in-"

Kaylee pushed him out of the hammock then stood next to him. Her hands gripped the sides of his head and she resumed her passion. She stepped in closer and felt him pushing against her thigh. Releasing her hold of his head, she pulled down her own coveralls and guided his hands to her panties.

His fingers gently tugged at her remaining clothing and slid it down. He drew her to the wall of the engine room and she wrapped her leg around his waist, feeling him very close to cumming. Fingernails scratched his back, feeling the ribs underneath the skin. He shuddered. Working her way to the front, her hand began stroking his swollen member now so very close to herself.

Simon kneaded her breasts, kissed her neck, sucked her collarbone and nearly bit into her skin as she worked faster. His hand reached her nethers and felt the rapidly wettening folds. He used his index finger and thumb to slowly put on pressure. Kaylee responded with a louder moan and arching of her back and neck. The Doctor chomped onto the crook of her neck and pressed harder, twisting a little. She began to shudder. Letting his fingers explore further, he prepared the way for him to enter.

A moment later, he was thrust inside her. She gripped his back hard enough to draw tiny droplets of blood as they both orgasmed simultaneously. The wall thudded with each push, loose bits of metal dropping. With a final drive, they loosened their hold on each other, their bodies shuddering and trembling.

Slumping to the floor, Kaylee closed her eyes and let the rush subside within her. Simon was unable to move nor think coherently. Their previous times had been wonderful though longer and with more care. This had been raw and animalistic.

After a few minutes, Kaylee's breath had returned to normal and she reached for her panties. Pulling them and her coveralls on, she looked to the Doctor. "That was good."

"Great," Simon answered, watching the mechanic insert each leg into the coveralls. He looked to her flushed face. "Yeah."

She held out his shorts and pants for him which he took and put on. "I'll always care for ya, Simon. Ya know that."

He smiled. "Sure."

"But this." She gestured back and forth between them. "This ain't-"

"Don't say it," Simon interrupted, a tight smile on his lips. "Please. Let's just remember it."

Bowing her head, she leaned her forehead into his chest, the smell of sex all around him. He kissed her hair and rubbed her arms lightly. When she straightened, she smiled warmly at him.

The moment was broken when Mal's voice sounded across the comm informing them that they were coming back and needed the Doctor at the shuttle access door.

Both lost their smiles and hurriedly dressed. The fear in Mal's voice was plain as day.

**Later...**

Mal entered the galley to find Zoe fixing some soup for herself. "Got us a job," he announced, walking behind her to get his own bowl. "Moving some stock from Ezra to Bellerophon. Shouldn't be nothin' hard about it. Even gettin' half up front." He sat at the table and downed some of the soup, trying very hard not to make a face. "You make this?"

"I did," Zoe answered, her own reaction to the food only slightly less horrified. "Not my best." Having been soldiers used to worse than bad food, both were able to choke down the soup. But the war had been a long time ago.

"Figure we can set on Ezra a spell and fix up the ship and such," Mal said, pushing his empty bowl away. "Crew could use some planet time."

"Yes, sir." The first mate took her bowl to the sink.

"Don't sound too happy 'bout that." Mal joined her.

"It's a fine idea." She rinsed the bowl and began drying it.

"But?"

Zoe stopped her chore and looked at the Captain. She wanted to open to him, to ask him if this was all their lives were going to be, moving from one job to another. Times were getting harder, he'd said so himself, and that meant more danger. Jayne was proof of that. She stifled the bloody memory of patching him up on the shuttle. It just seemed as though she wanted more from the 'verse than hiding.

Instead, she only said, "No but."

"If ya got somethin' t'say, Zoe, this'd be the time." He looked her square on, getting a feeling of nervousness from her. The normally stoic woman he'd come to rely on seemed to be breaking down.

"Just feelin' a bit beleaguered with Jayne and all," she said. "Perhaps some firm ground and sky will help."

Mal remained unconvinced, but said nothing more on it. "All right then. Albatross says we should be there in less'n a day."

Zoe nodded then left for her bunk. Maybe a talk with other girl folk would help her out of her funk. He made a note to speak with Kaylee about it.

Only the shipboard clock gave the illusion of day and night on the ship. Right now, it said night and depending on your perspective, it was either very late or very early. That, though, mattered little to Simon sitting on the stool next to Jayne.

He'd lost track of how many times he'd scanned the readouts and notes he'd made on the man's condition. Seeing it a hundred times didn't give any more sense to Simon. How anyone could torture another person to this degree was beyond even his gifted understanding.

Yet, there it was. There he was. Over two-hundred stitches, just on his skin alone, with dozens more internally. Once he had been sure that the those injuries were healing did Simon even consider the broken left wrist and hand, dislocated shoulders, and his almost completely broken left hand and wrist. No, the punctured kidney, torn intestines, electrocution, ripped thigh muscles and blows to the head were of greater importance. Thank God that he was able to administer a strong sedative that put Jayne in a near comatose state. The amount of pain he would be in would be incalculable.

Of course, he'd likely been in more than excruciating pain during his capture. His back and chest looked to have been whipped numerous times and the slice across his face might very well take the eyesight from his right eye. The broken bones were not limited to his hand and wrist; his kneecap had been shattered and was likely going to cause a permanent limp. Add dehydration and the mix was complete. Simon swallowed his bile.

The scars Jayne had accumulated in his sordid past paled in comparison to the anguish of the last week. He could only guess on how Jayne would mentally respond.

Watching the slow breathing, wincing himself at the struggle of it, Simon forgave Jayne for everything. No man deserved what he'd been through and this punishment was far beyond anything any human had to suffer through. If Simon thought about it, he even found respect for the man lying there. He didn't know if he could have endured half as long as Jayne had.

But why had Jayne been taken in the first place? The Captain knew, but was silent. That could only be temporary. The truth of this had to come out, one way or another.

Shutting down his reader and organising his notes, Simon took one final look at Jayne, placing his hand on the man's brow. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. Lingering a moment, the Doctor strode from the room to his bunk where he promptly fell onto his bed into a deep sleep.

Kaylee's bunk was freezing. She had pulled the covers up to her chin, but she felt the chill into her bones. She knew, though, that it wasn't a problem with Serenity's environmental sensors; she was shivering for Jayne.

His broken form lying so helpless on the table would not leave her mind's eye. Every time she blinked, it stabbed her brain, refusing to let go. She couldn't bare it any longer and opted to go for a walk. With the clock saying it was early morning, she doubted anyone would be awake.

Pulling on her warmest robe and fuzziest slippers, she ascended the ladder and carefully looked down the hall. No noise came from anywhere other than the ship. Padding softly to the infirmary, she stopped at the entrance. How her walk had brought her there, she didn't know, but there she was.

The lights had dimmed, but still cast a blue glow. She shivered again, unable to comprehend how Simon could work in such a cold place.

Swallowing hard, she stepped through and took a position to Jayne's left. Gazing down at him, she briefly marvelled at how peaceful he looked. True, half his face was covered with a light gauze and stitches, but in sleep, he looked almost serene. Grabbing a stool, she pulled it next to the bed and hitched her feet up onto the footrest, folding her robe around her.

The soft beep of a heartbeat mixed with the pulse of the engine gave Kaylee her own calm, her fears subsiding. She hunched over the form, her arms wrapped tight around her, as she examined Jayne's face. The skin where the knife had cut was beginning to get tight. The stitches pulled on it making it appear redder than she thought it should. She wanted to touch it, to take away some of the pain she felt just looking at it, but held back.

Instead, she gently extended her finger to brush across his hairline and down and around his ear. For such a hard man, his hair was soft and his skin smooth. Venturing further, she gingerly stroked his hair, adding to her calm.

"Folks say," she began, her voice low, "that talkin' is good an' helpful. So I'm just gonna talk t'ya. Okay, Jayne? Shepherd Book did it t'me after that time an' it was real nice t'wake up to. All soothin' an' warm." She continued her caress. "Ya don't gotta say nothin' back." She chuckled. "'Course, if ya do, I won't squawk. Might even be sorta glad that you'd been listenin'."

For the better part of the night, Kaylee sat next to Jayne relaying stories from home, adding embellishments here and there to make them a little more exciting. Her own body no longer chilled, she had shed her robe and sat in her flowered tee and bear shorts.

"Think I'm about talked out fer tonight, Jayne," she said after almost two hours of yammering. She yawned. "Guess it's time fer me t'get my own sleep." She stood. "Sure was good, though. Made me feel better 'bout ya." She smiled then bent over to kiss Jayne's forehead. "You be good fer Simon, ya hear? He's done wonders with ya so don't be givin' him no backtalk." Gaining confidence, she rested her hand on his shoulder then slid it down under the blanket until she felt his rough hand. Squeezing gently, she wished him a good night.

Pulling her hand away, she took one final look at the man and paused. His eyes seemed to be moving under his eyelids, something he hadn't done all night. She wondered if he was waking. Replacing her hand back on his brow, she called to him.

"Jayne? Jayne. Can ya hear me?"

To be continued...


	2. Chapter 2

Judas and Mercy - by ArtemisPrime

A warm thanks to all who commented. You've no idea what that means to me. I would strongly recommend that you read the prequel The Way as some of your questions are answered in the five chapters of that series.

Disclaimer: all things Firefly/Serenity are the property of Whedon et al. I'm only playing with his toys for a spell.

Rating: Teen and up

**Chapter two**

He could see the smilin' face clear as any he'd ever seen. He knew that smile and it gave him the shivers all up and down. He swallowed hard an' wanted t'ask, but his voice left him. He felt Mattie clutchin' his arm real tight, nearly pullin' Jayne off balance. But he didn't think on it. All he could see was his ma's eyes gettin' red and a smile to try to make it all better.

"Ma?" his voice finally returnin'. "What is it?" He didn't know if the crack in his voice was from puberty or emotion. He didn't much care.

"Take Mattie to the wagon, Jayne," she instructed.

"But..."

"Do as I say!" Her harsh words made her son jump. Draggin' his brother, he hoisted him into the wagon bed then sat himself next to him. Somethin' was wrong an' his ma knew what. Why weren't she tellin' him?

He stared at Mattie who was now occupyin' himself with gettin' his shoes off. Stupid brother didn't even know somethin' was up. He scowled. "Put yer shoes back on 'fore ma takes her hairbrush t'yer behind."

Mattie only made a face at Jayne and returned his attention to his toes. "This little piggy went t'market. This little piggy went..."

"Jayne," his mother called. "You come up front."

Jayne nearly lost himself. His mother never, ever let him sit on the bench seat. That was for pa an' her only. Now he knew somethin' was seriously amiss. "But what about-"

Her glare gave him all the incentive he needed to scurry over the back and thump into the seat. She pointed to the reins lyin' limp in front. Grabbin' them, marvellin' and smilin' at finally bein' able to use 'em, he flicked harder than he should have. The horses jumped and jerked until he managed to pull 'em back a little and get the animals to walk.

Jayne wanted to ask what was happenin', but he didn't want to ruin the moment. His first time drivin' the team was not goin' to be ended with fool questions. So he waited until they pulled up to the small house, clothes blowin' heavy in the wind.

Mattie had jumped down in bare feet an' ran into the house. "Daddy!" he called. "Daddy, daddy!"

That's when Jayne saw his ma staring straight ahead and straight backed, her jaw workin' to try to focus her attention on anythin' else than what was playin' through her head.

"Ma?" His knuckles were turnin' white he was holdin' the reins so much.

He heard her shaky breath over the wind. "You're the man a th'house now, Jayne."

Jayne couldn't have smiled any bigger, nor coulda wished he hadn't just smiled in front of his ma. The look on her face turned his heart t'ice. His brain finally caught up an' started questionin' why. "How come?"

She tossed a crumpled envelope to him as she descended the wagon. "Unhitch th'team when yer done. Then come in fer supper."

He watched her walk dignified and purposely to the house, her own dress blowin like the clothes on the line. Opening the envelope, he read the enclosed letter, his heart meltin' at th'heat now boilin' up. No curse words could be enough for what his pa had done.

Balling the letter and throwing it violently, he jumped from the wagon. His anger was risin' and he needin' some kinda release. He punched the wagon, feeling the wood splinter. He punched it until he broke skin then kept punchin'.

**Later...**

It was the itchin' that first brought him to something remotely like consciousness. Nearly his entire body itched somethin' fierce and it was proving harder'n hell to scratch. Something was wrong with his arms that they wouldn't move.

The pass-out style of pain was the second thing that brought him to near consciousness. He'd been shot, stabbed, punched, kicked and dragged, but none of that held a candle to the fire that was burnin' inside and outside. He wanted to jump into a pool of cold water. Like his arms, though, somethin' was wrong with his legs that they wouldn't move.

About the only thing he could move were his eyes, and then really only one.

But he could hear and the voice comin' through the mists of his brain was soothin' and warm, like honey in tea or a woman after sex. Didn't know who it was or what she was really sayin', but it didn't matter. Showed he wasn't dead, or if he was, then Book had put in a good word with the Lord. He would have laughed if he could have breathed proper.

A touch on his head burned his skin and he wanted to pull away, but he couldn't move his head neither. All he could do was lie there, prayin' that the devil would stop his burnin' torment and let him be.

Ai ya, but that voice was so sweet! It couldn'ta been the Prince a Darkness himself, lessen he was actin' like his ma told him he was want to do. He'd come in all shiny and pretty, whisper delicacies into yer ear and then steal yer soul 'fore ya knew what happened.

Maybe it was time t'pay up fer all his misdeeds. Knock, knock, boy, the Devil's come collectin'!

"Jayne? Jayne. Can ya hear me?"

Weren't no daemon at his ear. Even half dead he knew that were an angel.

He wanted to wake up, look up and see her face smilin' an' cheerful, glad that somethin' in the 'verse still worked right. Wanted to reach right up and pull her into a lip kiss. Now he knew somethin' was amiss seein' as he never kissed 'em on the mouth.

'Course, he wanted to scream a blue streak for the pain his body was informin' his brain on.

Then the firey touch was lifted and cold bit into his neck, a small relief, then nothin' at all.

Simon put the smoother away and checked Jayne's vitals. "It's awfully late, Kaylee."

Kaylee shrugged. "Couldn't sleep so I thought I'd keep him comp'ny." She blinked down at the large man on the small bed. "He doin' better?"

The Doctor nodded. "Not much, but a little. Having him under will help his body heal faster and certainly helps keep the pain at bay." He scratched his ear in his 'I'm not sure what to say next' gesture. He wasn't used to having a former lover on a cramped spaceship.

"We'll take what we can get," Kaylee answered.

"What?" Simon's thoughts distracted him from what she had intended. "Right. Jayne. Better." When did he lose the power of speech? There was only the sound of the heart monitor for the longest time. "You don't have to stay." Simon's quiet voice was loud. "I'll keep an eye on him."

Kaylee's face betrayed her concern for Simon. "Yer tired yer own self and havin' a doctor in such a way don't do the rest a us any favours." She went for his arm, but he took a slight step back. She stopped then smiled lightly. "Just get some sleep, okay?"

He nodded and watched Kaylee take one final look to Jayne before leaving. Leaning heavily against the counter, he wondered how he was going to interact with her on this new level. At least before, he hadn't known her intimately and could pretend to fluff off her attentions. But now he'd known her in a way that his mother said was only reserved for married people.

"How do you do it, Jayne?" he asked the sleeping giant. "How can you make love to a woman and then forget all about her?"

Looking at the clock, he realised that Kaylee had been right - his lack of sleep was wearing him very thin. The past few days had afforded him little. The trek from his bunk to the medlab had been arduous and he had no desire to do it again. Pulling a blanket from storage, he draped it around himself and headed for the couch, its lumps never so welcoming.

**  
Later...**

The planet of Ezra was better than most rim-type planets. The brilliant green was seen for hundreds of miles in space and offered passers-by an opportunity to touch real grass and climb actual trees. That the amount of phosphorous was a little high making the water greener than normal did little to dis-sway people from swimming.

All in all, Ezra was a nice vacation stop.

They had been planetside near on a day when their cargo bound for Bellophoron arrived. Four small crates were easily loaded into the hold and enough coin changed hands that Mal jingled the bag. Real money. How he missed the feel and sound of it, the heft of it in his palm. Maybe he'd reward the crew with some fresh fixins for dinner.

"I like tomatoes," River commented from behind.

"Wha!" Mal whirled. "How many times I gotta tell ya 'bout sneakin' up on a captain?" He pocketed the money bag. "Don't you got some piloting thing needin' done?"

River grinned. "Nope." She twirled around Mal. "Time to be a girl." She bounced down the ramp, nearly skipping into town.

"Yeah well, girl's still got t'pilot spaceships!" he called after her. "Don't be makin' me..." He waved a dismissive hand. "Guess the girl can take a herself." He scratched his jaw and felt the stubble. Maybe this would be a good time for a proper trim and haircut. Seemed as likely that the town would have a barber.

"This is gonna be fun," Kaylee said with a lightness that Mal hadn't heard for what felt forever. "Blue sky, fresh air, shoppin'." She stopped to breathe. "Don'tya just love it, Cap'n?"

"Shiny. Now remember what I told ya."

Kaylee batted her eyes. "Ain't gonna be alone." She looked behind her to indicate her compatriots. Mal cocked an eyebrow upon seeing Inara and Zoe joining the little mechanic. "Girl's day out."

"Zoe, tell me they didn't get t'you," Mal pleaded. "Tell me ya ain't buyin' inta this."

His first mate shrugged. "Sacrifice for making sure everyone comes home safe." She continued walking with the other two, right on past Mal. "Don't worry, Sir, we won't pick out anything too frilly for you."

Mal gaped then turned, catching a glimpse over his shoulder of Inara's walking grace. Focussing once again, he went to the infirmary and found Simon at his usual place. "Doc, I do think that you could use some time." He motioned towards Jayne. "I'll watch him fer a spell."

"That's all right, Captain," Simon answered, "I don't mind."

"Well, I do." He took the pad from Simon's hand. "Yer lookin' pastier'n normal. The sun is shiny an everyone else's gone."

Simon was about to protest, but stopped. "River, too?"

"This ain't Alliance friendly, so don't go worryin' on yer sis. Now get outta here." He dropped the pad on the counter, leaned on it and crossed his arms.

Simon knew when he'd been beat. "I won't stay away long. An hour, at most. And call me if his condition changes. I'm not too sure about that last repair. It's still-"

"Now, Doctor!"

The Doc jumped, but made no argument.

Finally alone, Mal checked Jayne's vitals, though he wasn't entirely sure why seeing as he was a captain and not a doctor. Satisfied, he slid into the lounge and into a chair, propping his feet up on the table. Glancing around, he found an old magazine and began flipping through.

For the first time in a very long time, Mal felt the solitude of the ship. Even Serenity was quiet as Kaylee had shut down the engine to make repairs. He recalled the last time it had been this way, but felt no same fear. This was a good alone-ness.

With each turn of the page, Mal's eyelids grew heavier. Before long, he was dozing in the chair, the magazine fallen and his mouth open a little.

A strained cough brought him back to the 'verse and he was immediately on his feet and in the infirmary trying to help Jayne. The big man was trying to cough something up, but was struggling. Mal had no clue what to do other than offer an "Easy does it", weak as it was. Jayne coughed up the problem and Mal used a cloth to wipe it away. He placed a hand at the top of the bed. "Feel better?"

Jayne grunted softly, barely able to distinguish the world around him. The Doctor had been using less medication to keep him under and it was beginning to show. Jayne was having more time awake, though not entirely coherent, to help Simon diagnose the man's problems.

Mal looked around for some water, found a cup and filled it. Carefully raising Jayne's head, he let the man drink some. It wasn't easy and much of it ran down the front, but enough made its way in to help soothe his throat. Wiping away the spill, Mal looked at Jayne again. "How d'ya feel?"

With his one eye, the merc slowly scanned the room. "Doc ain't here. We've set down on Ezra and the crew's on vacation. Just you an me." He smiled. "'Course, I seem to be th'only one keepin' good company about now." His smile stopped at the pained expression on Jayne's face. "You need me t'fetch the Doc?"

Mal was rewarded with another grunt and a slow close of the patient's good eye. "Mayhap best if I do." He went to turn, but found fingers clutching his sleeve. He stopped.

"Tired-" Jayne croaked.

"Simon can get ya somethin' t'help ya sleep."

"-a... sleepin'."

"Okay, Jayne." Mal patted the man's fingers as he lay them back onto the blanket. "You just stay good an' awake then."

Inara couldn't help but laugh as Kaylee nearly ran from vendor to vendor in the market square. Every piece of pretty was a marvel to her and she made sure the other two women knew it.

"Ooh, wouldn't this look shiny in yer hair, Zoe?" She held a bright clip next to the dark hair. "Whaddya think, Inara?"

"It's very pretty."

Zoe waved Kaylee's hand away. "Nowhere in the job description does it mention me getting sucked into your world of cheeriness and jewellery. Besides," she pointed to another, "that one is nicer."

Kaylee laughed and felt good. For the first time in a long while, she let herself feel happy. Jayne seemed on the mend and they were on a planet that offered a bit of shininess. Thinking on the merc lying in the medlab for so long had made her want to enjoy this trip that much more. She'd be no good in cheering him up if she weren't cheered her own self.

"Feel the air dance upon the skin. The sun enters the soul. Banish the evil and welcome the good." River circled lively around the trio of women. "I like that one." She pointed to another broach. "It's lively."

Inara eyed the piece. "It is indeed." She examined it closely. "Excellent craftsmanship. From Sihnon, I would say."

Kaylee's eyes popped. "Really? Must be full and pricey."

Inara smiled. "No doubt." She replaced the item on the table and continued her stroll. She had to admit that the time away from her shuttle was welcoming. Though Inara preferred her living space to be full of the richness and texture reflective of her upbringing, there were times when all she wanted was some fresh air and clear blue sky.

As the day wore on, the women had decided that Zoe needed something a little more feminine in her wardrobe and had convinced her to buy a locally crafted pair of gemmed earrings. Though not of high quality, the azure stones set off her complexion quite nicely. Even Zoe had to admit that they were "acceptable", though she would likely not have cause to wear them and would most assuredly lose them in a fight.

"Combat earrings are last season," Inara jested.

The first mate did smile then checked the time. "We best get back to the ship." She scanned the group to ensure that all were accounted for. Seeing River with an ice planet on a stick brought bitter memories of Tracey, but she shoved them aside. This was to be a happy day. "Where's Kaylee?"

"I'm here," she announced, holding a small parcel. "Just gettin' a little somethin'." Her grin was wicked.

"Kaylee," Inara began slowly, "what have you got there?"

"Oh, nothin' in particular." She walked ahead, her grin still all over her face.

Inara said nothing more, but did give a knowing look to Zoe. She had begun to sense a change in the mechanic that the Companion was uncertain on. The last few months had been a roller coaster ride for the young woman's emotions and Inara wondered just how well Kaylee was coping. The return of Jayne seemed to have initially continued the wild ride, but had calmed of late. Simon's prognosis of a decent recovery seemed to have signalled a period of happiness in Kaylee that Inara hoped was not misplaced. When the young woman wasn't in the engine room, she was prattling on to Jayne or in her bunk sleeping. The sudden affinity for the mercenary was something Inara was going to keep a close watch on.

**Later...**

Simon's probe made Jayne want to throttle the doctor. He'd spent the better part of a waking week in the infirmary until he'd threatened Simon with imminent violence if he didn't get out. Simon had been adamant, though, that Jayne was in no condition to be violent in any manner. "You can't have any weight on that knee for at least two weeks," he told Jayne. "And I don't want to jeopardise those internal stitches. They've been good so far, but I'm sure that you don't want me to have to re-do them."

The big man's voice was still gravelly, but gaining in strength each day. "I'm goin' nuts in here, Doc." He clenched his good fist.

The Captain had suggested moving Jayne to the guests bunk and Simon agreed. It was nice having his infirmary back to himself again. He groaned to himself. It was his desire to be alone in the lab that had contributed to Kaylee's departure.

Jayne winced as Simon pulled on medical tape holding the bandage down. "Gorram it, Doc, ain't ya got all th'-" He stopped. What word was he lookin' for?

"I'm only checking on your progress." He examined the wound across Jayne's shoulder. The skin slice had been clean, but deep. He wanted to see how the graft was responding.

The merc huffed, about the only thing he could do these days.

"Well, that looks good." He studied Jayne's facial scar. "It's healing up nicely, as well." He pulled out his pen and pad to make a note. "How does your head feel?" He looked up when Jayne made no reply.

The big man frowned at the Doctor's stare. "What?"

"Your head. How does it feel?" He frowned. Had there been some hearing damage as well? He pulled a scope from his bag and examined Jayne's inner ear.

"My head hurts same as always. What are ya doin'?"

"Checking for hearing loss."

"Can hear just fine, Doc." He jerked his head away and regretted it. The sudden motion caused a neck cramp and brief seasick feeling.

"Mm." Simon stepped away and made another notation. "Sometimes blows to the head can damage the ear canal and drum. But I can't see anything." He put flipped through his notes, stopping at a scan. "Doesn't seem to be anything on here..."

"Hey!"

He turned to see Kaylee's bright face in the doorway. "Hey." Simon felt a sudden awkwardness, though he knew he shouldn't. Kaylee had visited Jayne every day since his return so he should have been used to her presence.

But he wasn't. He looked over to the man, his head and shoulders propped up on pillows and felt the jealous twinge once again. She was here for Jayne, not him.

"How's the patient?" She now stood at the foot of the bed, her question directed to its occupant rather than its healer.

"Doc won't let me out," Jayne growled.

Simon scowled. "Maybe in another week." He closed his pad and red bag. "I'll come by after dinner." He paused, glanced at Kaylee, then left.

Simon wasn't the only one feelin' a mite uncomfortable. Jayne was nearly squirming under the happy glare of the mechanic. "What d'you want?"

"You oughta be nicer to Simon," she said, her face falling a little. "He done a lotta work patchin' and fixin' you up. Nearly wore himself out doin' it."

Jayne turned from her. He knew he should be more grateful to the Doctor, but he was just doin' his job, weren't he? But he'd been told the heroics the Doc had done, the near exhaustion just to pull a man he detested through the torture he'd endured. Still, it was hard to break a habit and annoying the Doctor was a dandy habit in the mercenary's mind. Seeing Kaylee, though, he found himself saying "Fine. I'll be good."

The silence in the yellow-orangey room was maddening. "Somethin ya wanted?"

"Just t'see how you're doin'. Anythin' I can get ya?"

Jayne's eye glazed over as he thought on some bits of tasty he wanted right then. "No," he finally answered. "Nothin' on ship anyhow."

"Cap'n says we'll be on Newhall in about a week. Maybe you can get out some." She looked to the crutches leaning against the far wall.

"I want t'get out now!" He banged his right fist on the bed and Kaylee jumped. "Cain't you talk some sense inta that boyfriend a yours?"

The mechanic smiled lightly. "Doubt that. Sides, it's only another week."

"Hell with that." Jayne threw the blanket aside and swung his legs over, not realising how difficult the task would be after having been operated on not so long ago. His gut burned from using muscles that had been cut and he felt a little lightheaded from breathing hard. Gripping the sides of the bed, he steeled himself.

"Jayne, I don't think this is a good idea," Kaylee warned.

Ignoring her, he took a deep breath, pushed himself up and promptly collapsed back onto the bed, his head smacking into the wall. He howled and cursed at the same time.

Kaylee was immediately there, wanting to help lift him up. Forgetting the dislocated shoulder, he jerked his arm away from her and nearly screamed again.

Seeing his pain, Kaylee went to him again and he didn't push her away. Carefully and gently, she helped him to a sitting position, his back against the wall and his legs hanging off the mattress. His breathing was rough, but calming down. "Feel better?"

He glared. "Go t'hell," he wheezed.

She shrugged. "Okay, but you won't get the present I picked up for ya back on Ezra."

"Present?"

With a broad smile, Kaylee stepped off the riser and pulled out a package from around the bed. "Hope you like it 'cause I can't take it back." She handed it to him.

Holding the brown package in his right hand, he stared long and hard at it. The last time he received something from anyone, it had led to a series of bad events. He wasn't looking to repeat that. But then, he'd never received a gift from any of the crew either.

"Here, let me help you," Kaylee offered, sitting next to him.

Jayne didn't move. The smell of clean soap and light strawberries assaulted his brain. He couldn't remember anything smelling nearly so perfect. His vision was squiggly.

"Hey, you still here?"

He jerked his head, over turning so he could get a look at her as she sat to his right. "What?"

She smiled again and reached a hand to the package on his lap, grasping the string. "You hold and I'll pull."

He felt her body pressing against his and his mind was turning to jelly. Other parts were not.

"You got t'hold it," she scolded lightly. "There. That's it." Moments later, the package was de-stringed. "You manage the rest?"

He nodded and proceeded to unravel the paper. He stopped when he realised what it was he was looking at.

"Do you like it?" Kaylee was nearly bouncing on the sagging bed. "I know it ain't perfect and the colour's a bit different, but it's close, dontya think?"

Jayne's brain recalled his mother telling him that you should always say thank-you for anything you received. "It were the kindness of someone t'give ya somethin' so ya better return that kindness," she had said. "And I didn't raise no ingrate."

His brain also recalled words from his father. "Somebody give you something, boy, you best be wondering what they want in return. Ain't no free rides in this 'verse." He could feel the belt slice across his backside. "So next time someone offers you something that seems too nice for the likes a you, you just give it on back. Won't have no son a mine keeping stolen goods from the town store."

The confusion in Jayne's brain made him completely paralysed. The same feelin' of bein' too long in anti-gravity was bombardin' his head, makin' it dizzy, wasn't helpin' much either.

"You don't like it, do ya? I just thought that with what yer ma had done-"

"Kaylee," Jayne interrupted then hesitated. He looked to her face through the nausea and good eye and God help him he didn't want to be the cause of any disappointment.

Staring back down to his lap, he gently touched the knitted scarf then pulled it up. Even he could see that this was hand made and most likely a first-time effort by Kaylee. She had gone and learned how to knit so he could have a matching scarf for the hat his mother had sent.

He didn't know if he should sex her there or be sick.

He passed out instead.

To be continued...


	3. Chapter 3

See chapter 1 for disclaimers. Not mine and no money changed hands. Purely fun. Whedon et al. owns them all.

**Chapter three**

"A man who cain't find work ain't lookin' hard enough." _Only bit'a advice that hwoon dun father ever gave worth keepin'_ , Jayne thought bitterly. His lip twitched at the thought of what that man had done to his ma nearly three years ago. "So here I am." He eyed the man before him.

"So you is." The man was smaller, but tougher looking. He chomped the cigar a few times then spit. "First ship?"

"Yes, sir."

Breathing deeply on the cigar, he blew smoke into the young man's face. "Sir ain't a name I cotton to. Captain'll do." He gave Jayne the once over. "How old is ya?"

Jayne pushed his shoulders back and lifted his chin. "Old enough."

"Big enough, I figure." He chomped his cigar again. "Git yer belongin's and meet here 'fore seven."

Jayne thumbed behind him. "I'm set now."

"Shiny, but ya still gotta hold." He spit again then chuckled. "Bein' too eager is like t'get ya killed, boy. Cool yer jets." He walked back up the narrow ramp into the bowels of the ship.

Jayne stood and worked his jaw thinkin' hard on what he should do. Passers-by sniggered at the teenaged man trying very hard to reckon. His brain then thought of something real good. "My name's Jayne. Jayne Cobb!" he called after the man.

After the howl of laughter, a still giggling voice came back with "Didn't ask."

**Later...**

The pilot's chair had become a second home to River. Even when nothing was happening, she would sit at that place, letting the lights dance into her brain and twinkle her thoughts. It was warm and comfortable and still felt like Wash. She grinned at the triceratops. He was still being funny.

She reached for another coloured pencil, a darker one, and began filling in some lines. Her hair hung heavy onto the page, obscuring her sight, but not her vision. She saw Serenity, felt her starting to smile again. Family was back and the pieces were beginning to fit into their proper places.

Without looking up, she answered the silent question. "Drawing."

Mal smirked. "That I can see." He looked over her shoulder then took a step back when her eyes warned him not to do that. "Just come to see how the ship's doin'." He examined a few dials and the wave log.

"They haven't called back," River said softly, resuming her art.

"Hasn't been too long," Mal said just as softly. "Imagine it might take a day or two just t'get the wave.

River paused in her colouring for a moment. The Captain was attempting to justify to himself why the Training House was taking its time in answering the message he'd sent. His mind was trying to hold onto an illusion that Inara was not going away a second time.

"Well, guess I better do some captain-like business on this boat." He straightened from the console and caught a glimpse of the red image on the page. "Nice dragon."

The girl lifted her head up. "It's just about the same."

"Same as what, darlin'?"

"The one we lost."

Not wanting to venture further into the surreal that River often occupied, the Captain nodded and strode out of the bridge. He went to the galley, poured himself a coffee and was about to sit with it when the muffled, but painful cry hit his ears. "Run-tse duh fwo-tzoo. Now what?"

Stomping from the mess to the general direction of the sound, he found Kaylee on a bed with Jayne, the mercenary holding up an ugly yellow and orange bit of yarn. Mal then saw Jayne's eyes roll back and his body slump down. He slowly blinked. Idiot got himself passed out. The possibility of hauling the merc to the infirmary was givin' him no joy.

Stepping inside, he gently pulled the mechanic away from Jayne amid her confusion.

"I don't get it," she started. "I knowed he wasn't doin' real great, but he seemed okay." She looked to the Captain. "This ain't good, is it?"

"No, Kaylee, it ain't." He saw the expanded patch of red on Jayne's shirt. "Go get the Doc."

Simon kept shaking his head. "I told him," he kept muttering. "Don't do anything to aggravate the internal injuries or the stitching. But what do I know. I'm just the doctor. Hold that forcep here."

Mal did as instructed. Had been for the last half hour since dragging Jayne's unconscious carcass back to the infirmary after hearing the scream he'd tore through the ship from being dumb. Seeing Kaylee on the bed with him was more than a little creepifying for the Captain, but not so much as the blood that was seeping out of Jayne. His little tantrum had ruptured the incision the good Doctor had done in fixin' his inides.

So here he was being nurse to an idiot.

"Don't take it too personal, Doc. He near on never listens to me."

A few minutes later, both men were washing up. "I've done extra stitching to help secure the hold. Assuming he doesn't do any more asinine moves, it should heal."

The Captain was about to leave when Simon called. "Captain, about Jayne's injuries. I think it's about time you told me the entire situation." He faced Mal. "What happened to him?"

As a doctor, Simon knew full well what happened through the types of injuries Jayne sustained. But that wasn't really what the physician was asking. Mal thought on the memory a bit and sighed. "I think, Doctor, that explanation might take more time than I got for it."

"The abridged version then."

Mal looked hard at Simon's face, seeing the same determination so many times before in regards to his sister. If nothing else, besides being the best damn doctor Mal had ever encountered, he was mostly the same stubborn as himself. Simon wasn't about to let the issue go. And, were he to be truthsome, Mal figured that the entire crew needed to know. If that go se Information Man was any indication, there'd be more folk lookin' to cash in on what Serenity had done.

"After dinner." He strode from the lab. "Get everyone t'gether after dinner an' you'll hear." He didn't look to see Simon's mix of confusion and frustration. Didn't want to. "Then you'll have more cause to worry than ya do already," he said quietly.

"You really are dumb, Jayne Cobb," Kaylee reprimanded. "Went and did some fool thing and now look at where y'are." She pushed her legs out from the stool she sat on. Jayne was asleep. "You need to be extra sweet t'Simon, with strawberries on top!" She half frowned then stood. "Oh, hi, River." She looked to the young girl. "Whatya got there?" She pointed to the paper in her hands.

"Son of heaven." She stepped into the infirmary. "Formidable and dangerous." She stared at Jayne. "Vigilant and intractable." She tilted her head. "He lost his way."

Kaylee was not quite sure what River meant, but smiled anyway. "Sure is a pretty picture."

"Nearly the same." She held it over Jayne's left shoulder. "Holds the pearl." She smiled then looked to Kaylee. "It is pretty, isn't it?"

That was when Kaylee noticed the gauze covering a patch of Jayne's arm right where his tattoo was. She stole a peek under the patch and was appalled. The entire tattoo had been removed by slicing the skin off, and deep by the looks of it. She gaped at River.

"Don't worry, li'l Kaylee. His dragon has come home. Not lost anymore." Stepping back, River handed Kaylee the image and flitted away. The mechanic was left saddened. Jayne had suffered so much and for no reason.

"Oh, Jayne," she sighed and held the paper tight.

**Before...**

Mal stood at the weight bench, statue-like. He must have stared at the contraption a full five minutes, not moving, barely breathing. What in hell was he doing here? This wasn't his thing. Never had been. Running for his life had been exercise enough during the war and the daily lack of fully nutritious meals in the seven years since hadn't exactly made the Captain a blob.

But here he was, cut off shorts and undershirt, all set to give the machine a workout.

"I've been told that staring is an effective means of building muscle," Inara commented.

"I've been told that those without somethin' good t'say best keep their mouths shut," Mal retorted.

"I guess, then, that this will be our last words to each other," she countered and laced her fingers together in front. "Mal, what are you trying to accomplish?"

He narrowed his eyes, wanting to look her way. The question wasn't simple and wasn't directed at the weights. "Don't want it gettin' rusted." He groaned to himself. Lame.

Inara only lowered her head a little. "Shepherd Book liked to use it, didn't he?"

"Mm," Mal grunted.

She took a step forward. "He was a part of this crew."

"Surely was."

"We all miss him," she added after a beat.

He faced her, nearly laughing. Companions and shepherds weren't supposed to get along. Something about fire, brimstone and immortal hell. "Like Kaylee'll miss you, you go on again." He wasn't sure where that had come from, but he was the Captain and what he said was never meant to be taken back.

Inara smiled lightly. _Are you asking me to stay, Captain Reynolds? _"She is dear."

"Don't rightly know how she'll take t'that, you bein' gone. Could be not pretty."

Inara only stared at Mal, wanting him to say the words.

When the silence was overwhelming, he stepped forward, straddled the bench and twisted. "First time's always the hardest, I s'pose. Reckon it'll get easier." He leaned back and lifted the bar from the cradle, immediately realising that he had too much weight on it.

But damn it, he wasn't about to let her see him struggle. Somehow, he managed to push it up.

The Companion recognised her cue to leave and she glided from the cargo hold back to her shuttle. Pausing at the top of the catwalk, she peered down to see Mal sitting again, his arms loose at his side. "Foolish pride," she muttered then turned to enter her shuttle.

It was the scruffiness of his face that made Kaylee pull out a razor and lather some soap. It had been five days since Jayne's return and he was in and out of awakeness. After the week of hell he'd gone through, she figured he deserved a little tender care.

Carefully applying the warm water, she lathered the bar in her hand and spread the foam across his cheek and neck, mindful of the bandage. Taking the razor, she began scraping. "Ya don't got t'worry about me slicin' yer neck, Jayne," she began. "I watched my daddy plenty when he took a blade to his whiskers." She cleaned the razor in a basin of warm water and continued. "I know how to be gentle while still gettin' the job done. I ever tell you about this one ship that come in. My dad couldn't make head nor tail of the thing..."

Kaylee talked a steady stream of home and helping her pa work on all kinds of engines and ships. She'd learned much from him and was always glad he was so open to teaching her. When she would feel a pain of homesickness, the young woman would open her tool kit and pull out the spanner her father had given her special.

_"Ya got the gift, Kaywinnit." He handed the tool over. "Go get that space heap Firefly inta somethin' prettier. Somethin' good enough fer my girl."_

Kaylee smiled on the memory as she pulled a final stroke across Jayne's face, at least as much of it that she could access. She stood back and admired the job with a grin. "Lookin' heaps better, Jayne." She wiped a bit of soap from his chin. "Women like a clean shaved man. Don't scratch nearly as much." She wondered if he would be upset her having taken off his moustache and goatee. She shrugged; it would grow in.

"Kaylee!" Simon said with a startle. He gazed at his former girl holding a blade to the mercenary. "What are you doing?"

The mechanic understood the scene and laughed. "Oh heck, Simon, don't worry. Ain't gonna slash his throat none." She smiled down at Jayne. "Just makin' him a bit pretty, is all." Taking the razor, she rinsed it and set it on the counter. "How's he doin'?"

The Doctor examined the monitors connected to Jayne's vitals. "Better. The internal injuries appear to be mending, but I'm a little concerned about his head." He paused. He'd always rather humourously suspected that the mercenary had had one too many blows to the cranium in the past to explain his stupidity. Seeing the results of it now, it didn't seem very funny at all. "He's going to have a serious headache when he's finally up and moving."

Kaylee nodded, but said nothing. "Simon." She forced the man to look at her. "I just wanted t'thank you...for doin' this. I know Jayne ain't the friendliest a folk-"

"It's fine," he jumped in. "I mean...no one deserves this. Not anyone."

Kaylee saw the sincerity in the Doctor's face. "You're a very good man, Simon Tam." She smiled again.

"But not good enough." He turned his back and pretended to read his notes once again. Kaylee moved to turn him around, but held back. She'd hurt him, she knew that, and the only thing that would make it better was time. So she would give him all he needed.

**Later...**

Scrolling through the eligibility list, Inara tapped four potential clients. She listened to the arrogant ramblings of a baron, the awkward stuttering of a teenage son of a diplomat and the smooth tones of two entrepreneurs. Backchecking with the guild registry, she chose the slightly older businessman and set a meeting time.

She began pulling the tapestry over the monitor when a knock sounded on her shuttle door. "Ching jin."

"Inara, do you have some time?" Zoe hesitantly stepped into the shuttle.

The Companion gave the other woman the warmest smile she could muster. "Of course. Please, join me in some tea."

Striding into the shuttle, Zoe was impressed with the decorations. Being a companion seemed to pay very well, even out in the rim. The expensive textiles and decorations impressed upon Zoe just how different the two women were. While the former soldier opted for spartan, Inara chose abundance. Zoe could make do in a foxhole, while the companion likely spent days arranging her candles to be just so.

In all, though, Zoe had found respect for Inara. It hadn't been easy for the woman to leave Sihnon for the wilds of the black and the slightly less-than-legal manoeuverings of a ship never knowing where its next port of call would be. She had managed to survive for close to a year, but then the time came when Inara felt the call to return to her own.

Strange that Zoe never did; she had no interest in joining any of the small revolutionary armies that cropped up from time to time to cause the Alliance a bit of grief. She had found the battles with Mal at her side for something worth more than the Independents' cause: family.

"Please, sit." Inara offered the first mate a porcelain dish filled with chocolates. "These are especially decadent."

Zoe spied the sweets then quickly grabbed the top one. She examined it completely, hesitant and expecting to find a hidden danger. Inara set the dish on the table and sat herself. Proving to Zoe that the treat was indeed safe, she sank her teeth into a chocolate and relished the taste. It was home.

The fighter woman saw the Companion not fall into a poisonous convulsion and deemed the treat safe. With a quick bite, she downed it, barely able to register the difference between it and a protein ration.

"What can I do for you, Zoe?" The question was genuine and an attempt to put Zoe at ease. Inara could nearly feel the tension in the other woman, so she tapped into her companion training.

"Not leave," Zoe answered simply.

The Companion's straight back slouched slightly as she understood the first mate's meaning. "This is something that's already been decided." Her voice was soft and non-threatening. "Staying is...difficult."

Zoe thought on the words. This woman didn't know difficult. How could she, too afraid to risk her heart being broken. Fear kept her from telling Mal what he needed to hear to keep him from breaking. Fear wasn't difficult. No, what was difficult was letting someone in and become so much a part of you that to lose him would be no less than losing yourself.

"This ain't about you, Inara." She held the Companion's eyes, letting the sentence finish, unspoken.

Inara resumed her Companion demeanour. "I'm needed elsewhere. Others depend on me."

"That's a lie."

Inara blinked at the boldness of the statement.

"I never thought of you as a weak woman," Zoe continued. "You stayed on this boat through some tough times. Put up with our border planet manners and behaviours." Her jaw twitched and her voice became quiet. "Faced Reavers." She let the memory pass. "So don't be telling me that it's too difficult now."

Hearing the words from Zoe was unexpected to the Companion. The first mate had apparently been watching and absorbing more than she let on. Inara couldn't hide.

"There's no longer a place for me here," she replied, knowing the words sounded weak.

Zoe sighed deeply. She hadn't been exactly sure why she had come to the shuttle now at this time. Some overwhelming need in her compelled Zoe to visit the woman and speak her peace. What resulted from that was unknown, but was upon further thought, not unexpected. "Mal would come to this shuttle after you had moved on. Stayed for hours. Don't think he did much other than ponder." She looked past the Companion to the decorations and tapestries then lowered her eyes. Looking back up, she continued. "He lost something and I had to keep wondering what he lost. When you came back, I knew."

Inara looked away, not wanting to hear. She didn't want to be blamed for the Captain's action or inaction. She refused to feel guilty for leaving Serenity when he had never asked her to stay.

"He found hope. That's your place here." Zoe stood. "Guess that's all I had to say." She exited the shuttle and felt her heart pounding. How much of that had been about herself now that Wash was gone?

_"Husband, what are you doing?" Zoe stood next to Wash who was leaning an ear against the shuttle door._

_"Shh! I'm listening."_

_There was momentary silence until Zoe broke with "I don't hear anything."_

_"Exactly."_

_She stepped away and chuckled. "You're beginning to sound like River."_

_Wash whipped his head around. "You really think so? Well and truly?" He grinned. "Now I can stroke item 52 off my life's to do list: be a ninety pound girl."_

_"If you're a ninety pound girl, then that makes me a very terrible woman."_

_He lifted his eyebrows. "How terrible?" He stood very close to his wife._

_"Very." She threaded her fingers behind his flight vest._

_"Perhaps you should demonstrate, just so we're clear on the level of terrible."_

_Zoe smiled and laughed a little menacingly. "You sure you can handle it?"_

_He gripped her posterior. "Oh, I think I'm ninety pound girl enough."_

**Before...**

Simon examined the stitches near Jayne's belly and the weaves across Jayne's chest while the big man gritted his teeth. The pulling of surgical tape was a little more than painful.

"You're looking good," the Doctor announced, "considering everything." He set his pad across Jayne's legs and stared hard at the man. "But you can't be going against my orders. If I tell you to stay in bed, then stay in bed. Otherwise, you'll be back here."

Jayne nodded, feeling the fool for winding up back in the medlab after his reckless attempt to go for a walk. The nausea was calming and his vision was better, if lacking depth.

"How are you coping?" Simon interrupted his thoughts.

"Copin'?" Jayne's brow creased.

"Yes, with what happened to you." He waited for an answer that didn't seem to be coming. "You do remember?"

Jayne thought hard on what the Doc was askin' him. He recollected a bar fight back on Harvest and thinkin' that it oughta be an easy win 'gainst only three. The memories became a whole lot foggier after that. 'Course, he wished th'reason for bein' in th'bar were like that. "Can't rightly say."

Simon crossed his arms over his chest. "Can't or won't?"

The mercenary's eyes narrowed dangerously. "What is it yer aimin' at, Doc? You think I'm fakin' all this?" His voice was still haggard and raspy.

Simon relaxed his stance. "No, of course not. It's just that with all the trauma you're body's been through, I only wanted to make sure that you were able to manage it mentally."

Jayne huffed with a sly grin. "Most folks figure I ain't got much mentally in th'first place. You included."

The Doctor brushed a quick hand through his hair, feeling caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"I don't, Simon."

Simon jerked his head at the call of his name.

"Don't remember anythin', not nothin' that'd make sense anyway." Whispers of machines and repairs floated through his consciousness and images of places he'd never been to. He felt a warmth in those visions that he couldn't explain.

"But I know I gotta thank ya fer what ya done. Helpin' me an' all." He felt a flash of pain in his side and held his breath before releasing it in a puff. Simon went for a smoother, but Jayne waved him off. "Ain't much good t'no one if'n I'm doped up." He tried to smile, but grimaced instead. "Course maybe now's a good a time as any t'sleep."

Simon held the medical gun at Jayne's good shoulder. He injected the sedative and watched the big man loosen under its effects. Jayne had thanked Simon, twice now, for fixing him. The man-ape seemed to be becoming more a man.

But answers needed to be had and Mal was the only one who seemed to own them.

**Later...**

The shock of Mal's story weighed heavy in the air. Simon did little other than work his mouth to speak, then stop. Inara looked away and said a small prayer. Zoe remained expressionless, knowing already the information Mal had just relayed. Kaylee looked to each person hoping for more clarity. River kept her vigil at the helm.

"But why Jayne?" Kaylee asked.

Mal dug his hands into his pockets. "'Cause he was alone, most like. Easy enough t'find probably helped."

"So he goes off t'help his ma and gets nabbed for doin' somethin' right?" Kaylee shook her head, disbelieving. "Don't make no sense."

"Men like the one who took him generally don't make sense," Zoe piped in. She set her hand and arm on the table. "Who can say why they do what they do."

"That's right, Kaylee," Mal added. "Don't be frettin' yerself on this. He's done and gone."

"But he ain't," she insisted. "Way you say it, there'll be others out there just waitin' t'jump at any chance. We ain't safe no more." She felt her hands begin to shake. Sounds of Early repeated in her head.

"That's not so," Mal soothed, now standing next to her chair. He laid a tentative hand on her shoulder. "Long as we stick t'gether, can't be hurt." He smiled down at her, but knew she didn't believe his words.

"If he could take Jayne, he could take any of us." The mechanic looked down the table to Inara, silently asking for comfort.

"Well, they did have some help," Simon spoke. "I found traces of a powerful narcotic used to knock out motor functions. He was likely drugged."

"Which means that Jayne was too tough for those men to pinch him fair and square," Zoe added, glaring at the Doctor. Simon failed to understand that his attempt at reassuring Kaylee would only produce the opposite effect - if drugging Jayne was possible then anyone could be drugged.

"Really?" Kaylee was finding a margin of solace in Zoe's words.

"Sure as I'm standin' here," Mal answered. "Believe me, between Zoe, River and myself, there's nobody on this boat gonna have anythin' bad happen to 'em. Dong ma?"

"You are stronger than you think," Inara added. She looked across the table to Zoe; understanding about their previous conversation passed between them.

"What do you plan to do, Captain?" Simon asked in an effort to get back onto the main topic.

"Keep flyin'. Same as always." He looked to Inara. "Should be back to th'training house late tomorrow night."

Inara shifted under the stare, but made no response.

"As for th'rest a ya," Mal scanned his diminishing crew, "we keep a bigger eye out an' don't go anywhere alone. Safety in numbers." He now looked to his mechanic and smiled lightly. He then left the galley for his bunk. Kaylee ran to catch up.

"Cap'n?"

He stopped before planting his boot on the first rung. "Somethin' th'matter?"

The mechanic was in a rush and now couldn't find the words she wanted to say. "It's just." She swallowed hard. "That man, who took Jayne, I don't want that t'happen t'me."

"It won't. Promised your folks I'd take care a ya and I ain't about t'stop."

"But I gotta take care a myself. Do you think...think you could-"

"Now hold on there." He rubbed her arms gently. "Don't much care for the direction this train a thought's going." He stopped and looked hard at her. "I know yer a big girl, Kaylee, and I know what you did when th'Reavers was callin'. But I don't especially like the notion of you with a gun and shootin' real people, bad men or not."

"But, Cap'n-"

His look stopped her and he breathed deeply. "No, Kaylee. I ain't gonna teach ya how t'kill. That's a slope more than loads slippery." He thought on his first kill, still seein' the face of the man who was barely more than a boy. Knew then he'd lost a bit of himself he weren't ever able to get back.

"Fine, but that's not what I'm askin'," Kaylee answered. "Can ya drop me off at the Training House with Inara?"

To be continued...


	4. Chapter 4

Please comment, the good, not so good and the awful when you finish reading. It's especially helpful in the writing process. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: all things Firefly/Serenity are the property of Whedon et al. I'm only playing with his toys for a spell.

Spoilers: the show and the BDM

Rating: Teen and up

The building was unassuming in its simplicity from the outside. The only writing was in Mandarin and said relaxation, the apparent code word in New Athens for whorehouse.

Pushing through the doors, the crew of Tylon's Pride were immediately bombarded by the smell of opium and other drugs. Captain Tylon's face warped into a wicked grin. "Jeanine!" he bellowed. "Get yer ass down here." He chewed his cigar and looked to Jayne. "You'll like her. She's a good'un for vigrins."

The other four men laughed, the joke not seeming to ever end. Being the newest crewman, Jayne had little option than to take the ribbing.

"Well, speak o' the devil." He removed his cigar and planted a dirty kiss on the woman's lips. She responded in kind. "Got someone here for ya." Tylon nodded towards Jayne. "Needs his cherry popped."

Jeanine eyed the young man. "Virgin, huh?" She grinned as Jayne reddened at the continued laughter. "Don't mind these boys." She waved a hand at them. "Wasn't that long past when they were comin' in for their firsts." She turned to Tylon. "Same as usual?"

He nodded.

"Well, then...what's your name?"

Jayne looked sheepishly at the crew and Captain. If being a virgin had been difficult to live with, his girly name had been nearly impossible.

"Jayne," Bodine answered with a lyrical sneer.

"All right then, Jayne," she grasped his hand, "why don't you come on upstairs with me."

Unable to say no, Jayne went with the woman amidst the catcalls and hoots of his crewmates. He was eternally grateful when they climbed the stairs and went down the hall to where he couldn't see nor hear them any longer.

Stepping into the smallish room, Jeanine closed and locked the door. "There, that's better." She faced Jayne and smiled. "You are a big one. How old are ya?"

He hesitated. Were there some kind of rules in these parts about whores being able to only have sex with adults? He had learned rapidly in the last eight months that each place seemed to have its own way. Chester Lin had learned that the hard way and had his hand cut clean off after taking something he weren't supposed to.

"Oh, it doesn't matter, I suppose." She began to unbutton her blouse. "Just so long as the only thing girly about you is your name, we'll do just fine." She smiled at him and strode over. "And don't be nervous. I've been dealing with boys like you a very long time. There's nothing you can say or do that I've not heard before. So just relax and let nature work as intended between a man and a woman."

Jayne looked down at the small woman with a glimmer of respect. She'd called him a man.

**Later...**

The Training House was everything Kaylee expected it to be, only better. People walked with elegance and grace in amongst the open halls and rooms. The light spring wind rippled through silk curtains, sometimes catching the light and reflecting it inward. The sound of water trickling down stone was a constant and the mechanic found the sound soothing. The wide wooden floors were dark and exotic feeling. She felt like a little girl staring wide eyed at it all.

"You left all this, Inara?"

The older woman smiled. "In a way." She strode down the hall next to Kaylee, feeling her own sense of wonder again. No matter how she tried to re-create the feeling, her shuttle could not capture the emotion of the House. "Sheydra."

A blond woman, older than Inara, greeted the pair and kissed Inara's cheeks. "Mei-mei. You look well." She smiled genuinely then turned to Kaylee. "Welcome."

"Hi!" Kaylee gripped the proffered hand with a strong shake. "Beautiful place here."

Sheydra muffled a chuckle. Rim worlders. "Thank-you." She faced Inara again. "Your room is ready for you, just as you left it."

"Thank-you." The three women walked through the main level of the House and then to the upper level where private rooms were located. Kaylee gawked like a tourist the whole time.

"Oh, Inara!" she gasped as the door to her room was opened. "All this yours?"

"Much of it. What I could bring with me from Sihnon." She entered the room and inhaled the sandalwood incense. "You performed the cleansing ritual."

"Of course," Sheydra responded following her friend in. "After what that man did, the entire House required it."

"I do apologise for that," Inara began.

"No need. It is over and no one was harmed." Sheydra gave the Companion smile. "We are just glad that you've returned. Everyone has been excited since your wave."

"Yes, I can imagine," Inara muttered with her back to Sheydra. She had inspected the room and now stood at the large bay window overlooking the mountainside. This place was so much like Sihnon that her heart ached a little. In her travels in the black, she hadn't missed home, but here, now, she felt the twinge. "Everyone is well?"

Sheydra nodded. "Very much. The students are nearly ready to begin level three."

Inara allowed her face to show surprise. "Three? That's quite an accomplishment is such a short time."

"Indeed. I'll have one of the helpers bring your things in, Miss Frye."

"Huh?" She jumped at hearing her voice. "Oh, no, that's okay. I can get 'em myself. Ain't much anyway."

Sheydra smiled again, but said nothing. She moved to her friend. "Tzoo foo nee, mei-mei."

"And you," Inara responded.

With barely a sound, the door was closed and the two women were alone. Inara looked to Kaylee who was staring at her.

"Ya didn't tell her," the mechanic stated.

The Companion thought a moment. "I will."

Kaylee wondered on that, but didn't say anything. This were Inara's business and people; she'd know how t'deal with them. "In that case..." She eyed the bowl of fresh fruits tempting her on the large coffee table.

Inara laughed lightly. "Go ahead."

The younger woman nearly pounced on the food, though mildly disappointed in the lack of strawberries.

**Before...**

Boredom was not something Jayne took well to. He preferred motion, action, just doing. He needed to be up and walking or lifting weights or gorram near anything other than just lying in the sagging bed with little to do.

'Course, he could have done without the intrusions of the new pilot into his temporary domain. River had a habit of wandering in late at night and just staring at him. Most of the time, Jayne was unable to sleep the entire night and the first time he caught her glowing eyes in his room, he almost undid the Doctor's re-stitching. No amount of cajoling would remove her from the room, so he bit his tongue, shut his eyes and pretended to sleep.

River had only laughed lightly. "Fake sleep isn't the same. No warm dreams of machines."

"Get outta my head, girl," he growled in a hushed whisper.

"But it's so quiet in there. Peaceful and relaxing." She stood at the head of the bed. "Wish I were like you." She held the moment then left without a sound.

Jayne sighed through his nose. Crazy. Girl was just plain crazy.

Now, here it were again, only worse this time. His usual chittering companion had apparently abandoned him for something more important. i Most like the yu bun duh Doc/i he thought bitterly. That left him alone, except for the occasional passing of Crazy. Everyone else had pretty much abandoned him, too.

Jayne slumped a bit into the pillows he had propped himself up on. All this free time had started his mind workin' an' he was near on sure he didn't like the course it was takin'.

He thought on his early time on Serenity, wondering if Mal was a younger version of himself, ready to shoot anyone who so much as breathed wrong. He chuckled; that notion was wiped after seeing him deal with Wash. Any man who wore such ugly clothing and still kept his job on ship told Jayne plenty about the character of Mal.

He had learned much about the others, as well, mostly boiling down to a deep level of comradery that crossed the line to family on many occasions. Even with Simon and River, he'd come to rely on that family and they on him. Having it torn apart had gut wrenched Jayne, if he'd taken the time to think on it previously. All the time now, though, he realised just how much he missed the lost folk.

He shut his eyes, both to block the horrible memory of Shepherd Book's bloody body and to stifle the small shooting pain that still came into his head from time to time. With a ragged breath in and out, the pain lessened to something close to tolerable.

Unfortunately, it allowed him to follow his thinking to the always same question: what could he contribute to the family now?

**Later...**

"_Just believe!"_

Mal's eyes snapped open from the dream, Book's words echoing through his head with complete clarity. He could feel the Preacher's dying grip on the back of his head as the man's eyes rolled back and he stopped.

Throwing back the sheet, Mal leaned over the side of his bunk, his head firm in his hands and scratching at his hair. Dreaming about a dead man made no sense to the Captain. The dead are gone and let them be gone, he always thought. Don't be bringin' on ghosts that'll only give ya harm.

He rose to the sink and splashed water over his face. Grabbing the towel, he took a long look at himself there in the mirror. His skin was sallow, his eyes sunken and dark lines underneath that at one time went away after a good night's rest had now taken up permanent residence. He looked like hell.

_Guess I'm not too pretty anymore, eh God? Figure on calling me up soon? That explain the mug in the mirror?_ He would have laughed if it had been funny.

Turning, he tossed the towel into the sink and sat with a heaviness in the small chair at his desk. His hand passed over the long repeated capture of Inara's first leaving to shuffling some papers. _Need t'get some captainy paper work done, _he reckoned,_ 'fore the boat gets hauled in for yet another infraction._ His hand hovered over a newly exposed book, fearful of touching it.

"Just a book," he said softly. Reaching for it, he picked up the Bible left to him by the Shepherd and read the enclosed note once more. Finishing, he careful refolded the paper and slipped it back into the Bible. Book had been right about him carrying too much of the burden himself. He needed to share the load to make himself stronger. To make the family stronger.

Without realising what he was doing, Mal had cleared a spot on the desk for the book. He may have lost faith in God, but he had found some in the Shepherd and that warranted special consideration.

**Later...**

When the door slide open, the merc looked anxiously, hoping to see Kaylee's shining face. He was rewarded with Zoe's instead. He fell back against the uprighted pillows.

Zoe didn't miss the disappointment as she stepped in with lunch on a tray. The first mate wasn't sure when it was decided, but somehow, she had been appointed the waitress for the patient. Three times a day, she brought in a variety of liquid meals to help bolster Jayne's strength. The effect was a grumbling mercenary who desperately wanted solid food. No luck on this day.

She placed the tray on the side stand and lifted the bowl of liquified protein mixed with powdered milk. Without comment, she handed Jayne the bowl which he placed on his lap then the spoon. She stepped back and watched him lift the food to his mouth. The first few times had resulted in much of it slopping down his shirt. His lack of visual depth had caused some mis-alignments in getting from the bowl to his mouth. Of late, he had been improving. Zoe remained in case he needed help.

"Ta ma de," he commented, "this shit's awful." He struggled to swallow then eyed Zoe. "You make this?"

She lifted a brow. She knew she wasn't a cook, but did everyone think her food was terrible? "I'll gladly take it away, if that's what you'd prefer." She moved for the food.

Jayne pulled it closer to him. "Man still needs t'eat," he grumbled. He knew his body was changing for the worse, beyond the beating he took. It was getting soft, sitting here with nothing to do and a soft merc was more than useless. Knew he'd have to talk t'Mal about it, even though he gave him the shivers. Leavin' this boat wasn't anythin' he was itchin' t'do anytime soon. Done it once an' that was enough.

"You nearly done there, Jayne?" Zoe inquired.

He grunted and handed her the empty bowl. She placed it back on the tray and made to leave, but stopped. She knew Jayne wasn't a word a minute kind of guy, but she'd noticed his mood seemed quieter than normal. "Captain says we'll be on Newhall by dinner. Perhaps Simon will let you out."

He grunted again.

"You'd rather spend all your time in here?"

Jayne would have shrugged more strongly, but his shoulders were still sore. His whole body was sore and stiff. He needed to move, to get up and lift weights, or use the hand pulls or clean his girls or just about any gorram thing than just sittin'. He felt ready t'burst. "Love t'get out, to be sure, but that ain't likely. 'Sides, how can I know y'all won't leave me behind?"

Even with one eye, Jayne clearly saw the first mate change her stance. He'd said the wrong thing.

"That's what you believe?" A slow anger was forming in Zoe's heart. This stupid, gorram hwoon dun really believed Mal would abandon him, after all the trouble they took to rescue him? He really was dumb. "There's no way that's going to happen."

"Seems like th'right thing t'do." He absently scratched his chest. The weaves were gone, but the new skin was still itchin' somethin' fierce. "Ain't got much use fer me on th'boat no more." He jutted his chin to the tray. "'Cept eatin' food others got more right t'than me. Broken merc ain't exactly-" He stared hard at his legs covered by the blanket. What weren't broken mercs?

"Don't even think about it."

"Huh?"

"Don't even think about destroying what's left of this crew." She swallowed hard, feeling emotions rising that she believed had been buried, not unlike her husband. "We don't leave men behind. And this self-pity crap is just that - go se! So if you don't get your head screwed on straight, then I'll do it for you." The first mate's fists were clenched and hurting.

"Then where's Kaylee?" Jayne may not have been running at full throttle, but he wasn't about to back down in front of Zoe. If anything, her rise had triggered something in his own self, some sort of fight he thought had been beat outta him. "She ain't seen me fer near on two days an' I been missin' her." He stopped. Good God! What had he just said? He smacked his hand to his head and winced at the electric shock flashing over his eyes.

He breathed, opened his eye and found Zoe standing with hands on her hips. "She didn't tell you?" Jayne had spent the last two days wondering with no one to tell him what everyone assumed he'd been told. Her anger was being replaced with understanding.

Jayne was lonely.

Simon sat hunched over the screen, but couldn't see the words. His mind drifted, as it had for so much of the last few days, to nights with Kaylee, to days with Kaylee, to engine rooms with Kaylee. To Kaylee.

His mind understood her decision and agreed with it. River was his first priority and would always be placed ahead of everyone else, himself included.

His heart, however, was screaming at him for being a fool. Kaylee deserved to be first in any man's life. Her passion would dim if not appreciated and encouraged. Had he paid attention to his heart, he would have seen her glow less bright long before she said it was over. But he was gifted and gifted people rarely did the smart thing.

Sighing and shutting off the screen, Simon arched his back into a stretch and pushed himself off the stool. He scanned the med lab and found everything to be in absolute order. If his heart was in chaos at least his environment would be ordered.

"Doc? Got a minute?"

Simon looked over to see Mal standing just outside the doorway, holding his left arm. "What happened?" He immediately went to the Captain and began an examination, guiding him to the bed.

"Little on the embarrassin' side, Doc." Mal sat on the bed, legs hanging down.

"I'm your doctor, Captain. I need to know what caused your injury to know how to properly treat it." He moved Mal's arm and was rewarded with a small yelp.

"Easy on, Doc. Come for fixin' not hurtin."

Simon eyed Mal. "You strained your muscles."

"That I know." He followed Simon's back as the Doctor went to a drawer for a shot. "I was hopin' you'd give me somethin' for the pain and a little extra for the extra pain ya just caused."

With a turn, Simon glared. "All you had to say was that you pulled a muscle." He loaded the smoother with the drug and set it against Mal's bare arm. "And how did you strain it?"

"Don't matter mu- Ow! Hey!" He wanted to pull away, but Simon held tight. "Don't your Hippowhatshisname Oath got somethin' t'say about harm?"

"Sorry, Captain, must have missed the vein. Hold still."

A minute later, Mal was rubbing his arm and feeling little pain. Simon was putting his instruments away. "Lay off your arm for a couple of days. I don't think there's any permanent damage. Of course, you still haven't told me how you did this to yourself." He faced Mal and leaned against the counter, arms crossed. "As your doctor, I'm not allowed to reveal anything medically about you to anyone else. Part of my Hippowhatshisname Oath."

Mal waited a beat, eyeing up the good Doctor. He figured Simon was good for his word. "Liftin' weights," he finally answered. "Over extended my arm."

"Ah, mystery solved. Thank-you, Captain."

Mal moved to leave when Simon called again. "Um, I was wondering...that is to say..." He ran fingers threw his hair, stumbling for words. "Has there been any word?"

The Captain straightened. "Inara'll wave when she's ready."

Simon took a step forward. "Yes, I'm sure, but I was referring to-"

"Kaylee, too," Mal finished with a smile. "Don't worry, son, you're girlfriend'll be callin' soon enough."

Simon worked his mouth open then closed then open. "Right." He stared blankly into the space between the Captain and himself, eyes slightly down. "It's just..." He looked to Mal as the Captain stopped his exit. "Never mind."

Mal watched the younger man a moment then continued on his way. If the Doc had somethin' t'say, he'd say it. Never stopped himself before.

Stepping into the lounge outside the infirmary, he found Zoe coming from Jayne's temporary bunk, tray in hand. He nodded her way and was about to continue when her "Sir" caused him to halt. "Problem?"

"Maybe, maybe not." She eye motioned towards Simon, now cleaning the bed Mal had just occupied. Mal caught the hint and the pair moved towards the stairs. "About Jayne," she began. "Think you might need to speak with him, Mal."

He thought he heard the vaguest tone of an order in his first mate's voice, but let it go. "'Bout what?"

"His role on the ship." She had decided to ignore the missing Kaylee comment Jayne had blurted, deciding that the merc's career status was more important at the moment.

Mal's eyebrows went up. "What role?"

"Exactly." She shifted her hold of the tray. "He might be in need of some reassurances that he has one."

The Captain lightly shook his head, not clear in his understanding. "Fine, I'll talk t'him after we set down." He walked up the stairs back into the cargo hold, feeling a headache coming on. His first mate was giving him orders, the Doctor was acting weird about his girlfriend and Inara and his mechanic had jumped ship. Seemed the only one makin' sense t'him these days was li'l Albatross and that scared him plenty.

He joined River in the cockpit moments later, his arm now completely blocked of any pain. "How we doin', darlin'?" He stared out into the starry black. At least that still made sense.

"I don't know. How are we doing?" She looked up from the co-pilot's seat, her face expressionless.

"Now don't you start in on me, too." Mal slumped into the pilot's chair. "My day's been entirely too not normal. Don't need you addin t'it." He flipped a couple of switches and checked the wave log.

River smiled. Not only was the Captain cute when demanding and worried, but when he was in love. "I miss them, too. No one to play jacks with."

Mal huffed. "Don't miss 'em. Just checkin', is all." He continued to analyse the wave log. Given the distance from the Training House, sun spots and radiation...

"They haven't called," River said with a little force in her voice. "I would tell you if they did."

The Captain jerked his hand back as if slapped for grabbing a cookie fresh from the oven. "Okay. Didn't mean no harm." He looked across to the slight girl and let himself sink into the seat. Havin' a reader made foolin' yerself a might difficult. She always saw through it an' managed to find some way a tellin' ya, even if ya didn't want t'hear it.

Truth was, he missed Inara somethin' more than fierce. He'd finally gotten used t'her bein' around again then she uprooted all over. And took his mechanic with her.

He once again swallowed the bitterness of that agreement. He still couldn't fathom why the girl had decided that only the Training House was a good enough place t'learn self-defence an' not from him or Zoe or even River. Especially River given that the two were like sisters. Mayhap Simon had somethin' t'do with that; didn't much like his sister doin' jobs an' such for her share so maybe he figured teachin' his girl how to fight ala Academy trainin' was little spookifyin'.

No answers were forthcomin' anytime soon, so Mal contented himself with watchin' the sky, wonderin' if the green speck way out was Newhall or a piece a jewellery Inara so liked t'wear. He blinked. Doc's dopin' seemed t'have messed up his mind a bit.

"Simon's a good doctor. He doesn't make mistakes." River cocked her head in her way. "Listen to what your eyes are saying."

The Captain took a deep breath. "Since when did people on this boat start figurin' they could give orders t'me?"

River giggled. "Since you started needing a kick in the ass to make your head work."

**Later...**

Newhall was a good planet. It was a border one, but had enough Core in it to be a good blend of both. The seasons were distinct and allowed for good crops and harvests. People regularly received shipments from Persephone and exported out to the rim. Life was good on Newhall if you were willing to work just a little bit.

Te Junction was a prosperous trading city boasting the best hospital on the planet. It wasn't coincidence that Mal had River land the ship at the docks of that particular city. He wanted to give Simon an opportunity to get Jayne into the hospital and do some work on the man. Even with his limited contact with Jayne over the last couple of weeks, he knew that something was going on with the big man's head. He seemed just a little too forgetful and searching for words that should have come easily. Answers might be had from the hospital.

And Mal wanted to get Jayne back to full form before he dropped him back at his mother's farm on Harvest. He felt responsible for Jayne's injuries and would not have felt right at all presenting the woman with a damaged son.

"Alright, so we're all clear then?" Mal asked to his small complement of a crew.

"Yes, Sir," Zoe responded.

Simon handed her his cortex reader. "You should be able to download the information onto this." He had asked her earlier to gather the latest medical journals to allow him to do further searches on ways to help River. They would also help him keep abreast of latest medical developments.

The first mate pocketed the reader into her coveralls.

"All my reading about Te Junction's hospital is that it is far less security controlled than the one on Ariel. You shouldn't have any trouble getting Jayne in to see a doctor and getting the proper treatment." He smiled to Zoe. "Thank-you for doing this."

Jayne shifted on the crutch and leaned a little more on Zoe. "Can we get a move on? My gorram shoulder's about to bust."

"Okay then." Mal punched the airlock and ramp to open. "Be mindful of Zoe, Jayne. And don't go doin' anythin' stupid."

Jayne's face paled upon remembering the last time a hospital and Jayne had been together. He grimaced as Zoe's movement caused strain on his tender shoulder and the crutch underneath it. They walked slowly down and out into the docks, hailing the first rickshaw they found.

Both men watched the pair disappear into the crowd then continue to stare as the night took full hold.

"I'm sure everything will be fine, Captain," Simon started. "As long as no one recognises Jayne's face." He half-chuckled. He wondered if Jayne's own mother could have recognised her son. Kaylee's shave was lost in the beard now growing on the man and the red scar poking from out of the top and bottom of the still bandaged eye made the man look decidedly non-Jayne like. "You know I would have gone myself."

"I surely do," Mal said then turned to close the ramp and hatch. He strode confidently to the stairs and then on back into the crew quarters.

Simon sighed, wondering how long the adventure would take and what he could do in the mean time.

"You want to be there, don't you?" River called from the doorway to the lounge and infirmary.

"Yes." Simon went to her. "To see a real hospital again." He sighed deeply. "But it's just too dangerous. Even here, our pictures are likely posted."

"Doesn't make you less of a doctor, you know."

He grabbed her hand and patted it. "You don't have to comfort me. I'm a big boy now."

She placed her hand overtop. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, mei mei. If you want to give me words to cheer me up, you can." He smiled at her.

River shook her head. "No, for being the reason."

Simon's forehead creased. "Reason for not letting us go into the city? That's not your fault either and don't ever think it is. That's the Alliance's."

She continued to shake her head. "No, no. For Kaylee."

"Oh. The reason for Kaylee...Kaylee...leaving." He rubbed his temple. "It's not your fault for that either. It's mine."

Tears formed in River's eyes. "No, it is. You're sad now, always sad."

"Not always." He put his arm around her shoulder as she began to cry into it. "It just wasn't meant to be." They walked to the lounge and sat on the couch, him stroking her hair and she still letting the tears fall.

"I can hear you, at night. You wish things were different."

He pushed her upright. "Of course I do. I wish that I could do more to help you. I wish that our parents had listened to me and took you out of the Academy." He paused. "I wish we could go to the Ryerson's Summer Party."

"And for me to be normal."

"Yes," he finally said in a quiet voice, "for you to be your normal, bratty, little sister self." He smiled over at her and she returned the smile then wiped her eyes and stood. "Need to check the wave log or the Captain will be even crankier."

Simon watched his sister bound up the steps. With little else to do other than wait, he hefted his feet onto the end of the couch, positioned a cushion and closed his eyes. For once, he allowed himself to slow down and just be.

To be continued...


	5. Chapter 5

Please comment, the good, not so good and the awful when you finish reading. It's especially helpful in the writing process. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: all things Firefly/Serenity are the property of Whedon et al. I'm only playing with his toys for a spell.

Spoilers: the show and the BDM

Rating: Teen and up

Recommendation: please read the five chapter series entitled "The Way" and the previous four chapters in this series. It will help you out immensely in understanding some of the references.

"You ever think about the end?"

Jayne threw a strange face to his shipmate Clarence Zhang. "End a what?" He ducked as another shot pinged off the boulder they were hiding behind.

"End of this. Bun tyen-shung duh ee-dway-ro!" He shot his pistol over the rock hoping to hit something. He dropped and leaned back. "You know, all this thieving and killing."

Jayne chomped the cigar with a grin. "Hell, ain't no end. Just plenty more a th'same. An' when the good Lord says it's time, I don't reckon he'll be welcomin' me with open arms. More'an like t'shove me th'other way round." He peered around the large stone and emptied his clip. "This is luh suh. Gonna get pinned on account a Robinson, that gorram hwoon dun." He pulled his last clip from his belt and rammed it in. He twisted his cigar to the other side of his mouth, letting the juices roll across his tongue.

The box of Coobans had been Jayne's birthday gift to himself. That and a re-visit to his favourite whore Jeanine. He grinned in spite of the heat and dangerously close shots now coming in higher frequency. She'd been something else, still teaching him new moves even after eleven years. That's why she was his favourite; she got better and better. He felt the old model revolver tucked neatly at the small of his back. First sexin', first gun, both named Jeanine.

The dropping of a grenade not more than five feet from the two men brought the big man's mind to the here and now. Without thinking, he grabbed it and tossed it back the way it come. Barely a second later, it exploded. He frowned. The enemy were still firing. Wasted a good grenade.

"I don't think that you should talk about our captain that way." Zhang took a few more shots and narrowly missed a bullet to his skull. "He's done pretty good for us."

Jayne threw a sly look. "T'you, ya mean."

"What are you implying?"

Jayne fired more shots, standing this time to get a better view of the enemy's position. He quickly jumped back down. Four in front, two left and three right. Yep, they was pinned all right. Canyon had seemed th'place t'run to, but in hind sight, coulda thoughta better.

"Yer good fer th'cap'n t'get us inta places ship like his don't have access to normal like."

The boy scowled. "I think I've proven my worth beyond my status."

Jayne huffed. _Hardly. I was yer age, I was fightin' and cussin' way more and lettin' folk know that you don't mess with Jayne Cobb._ He took some more shots. "Where in hell is th'ship?" He looked to the darkening sky. "Ain't got much left."

"I'm almost out, too." Clarence shot off the last bullets. "I'm done." He sighed and peered himself at the sky. "Guess you were right." He stared over at Jayne was now sitting and listening. "What are-"

Jayne lifted his hand to quiet the boy. His eyes slitted and he thought he could smell somethin'. Sorta like...

With a quickness Clarence had never seen, he grabbed the young man's arm and yanked him away from the boulder.

"What? What are you doing? Jayne!" Zhang was dragged hard and stumbled. The older man picked him up and carried him over his shoulder. "Jayne Cobb! Put me down!"

"Shut it! We're gettin' the fuck outta here." He ran to his right, zigging the bullets still coming. Finding a small crevice, both men fell to their knees. A moment later, a very large and bright light flashed along with a boom that nearly deafened both.

Takin' his arm away from his eyes as a shield, he could see Clarence mouthin' somethin', but couldn't make it out. Sounded like tryin' to talk underwater and only getting waterlogged. Giving his head a shake, he didn't see the men come up from behind and yank the young man away and grab Jayne by the boot to pull them both out of the crevice.

Still reeling from the concussion blast, Jayne was only able to stagger to a stand. A sucker punch cocked him from the left and pushed his balance almost off. Now he was getting angry. Sorry sumbitches were gonna get a lesson in fightin' Jayne style. He raised his fists and took a swing at one, hitting him full in the nose. He grinned on the satisfaction of the blood spurting out.

The fight was on and the men now came at Jayne full force, leaving only two to hold Clarence.

When the ship landed at the top of the top of the low ridge did anyone stop. Bloodied with what he knew to be broken ribs and maybe nose, Jayne looked up to see Robinson descend with his entourage, money box in their hands.

"Hey there," he called. "Come to make an offer."

The leader of the gang strode over, gun drawn. "What kind?"

Robinson nodded towards Zhang, now hanging limply in the guards' arms after a blow to the head. "Him for the money." On cue, the box was opened to reveal a nice little sum of cash. The leader thought a moment then nodded his agreement. "Bring him over, boys." He waved the guards over, dragging Clarence with them.

Transaction done, Robinson and his crew moved to leave. "What about this one?" the leader pointed at Jayne, sprawled on the ground with six standing overtop.

Robinson turned. "What about him?"

"Don't want him back?"

The captain shrugged casually then turned his back. "Not mine to worry about anymore."

The leader went to Jayne and knelt down next to the hurt man. "Guess you ain't worth much to your captain." He stood and kicked dirt in Jayne's face. "Neither to me." He and his group walked away with a laugh and one last kick into Jayne's side.

He watched them leave, heard their mule and when he was sure they weren't comin' back, he pushed himself to a sittin' position. He hurt like hell, but he'd live. And once he figured a way t'get off this tah mah de rock, he'd find a way to repay th'favour t'Robinson.

And t'get back Jeanine.

For now, he just laid still and calmed his breathing.

**Later...**

She laid still and calmed her breathing. In an instant, strong hands gripped her wrists in a tight hold and pinned them above her head. Focussing her energy, she turned her wrists and loosened them. Using the distraction, she bucked her hips, bringing her leg over his simultaneously. Pushing with her shoulders and the added momentum from her hip action, she succeeded in reversing their positions, she now on top. She twisted her wrists once more finally breaking the hold and moved to box the side of his head.

Kaylee looked up to her instructor, a wide grin plastered on her face.

"Very good, Miss Frye. What next?"

"Oh, uh..." She leaned back on her haunches, putting pressure on the attacker's hips. "Grab the knife under the pillow?"

The instructor waited.

"Um..." Her lips were tight in thought. She then grinned. "Grab his...things and give 'em a crunch."

The instructor took a slow breath. Working with this rim world woman for the last four days had proven a remarkable test of patience. How Inara had come to define this young woman as her close friend was beyond understanding. "No, Kaylee. Companion's do not do such vulgar acts."

"But he was gonna do some vulgar t'me," Kaylee protested. "Fair is fair."

The attacker raised a hand. "Excuse me, but could you-" He motioned for Kaylee to stand and she did with a smile.

"Ooh, sorry 'bout that. Hope I didn't hurt ya none."

"No," he answered with a false grin. Pulling down his shirt, he walked very dignifiedly to the instructor.

"The ring," the instructor finally said. "Inject him with the sedative in the ring." She pointed to the slightly obtrusive bit of jewellery on Kaylee's middle finger.

Kaylee smiled sheepishly. "Right."

"We are done," the older woman said as she turned from the bed and headed out. Kaylee was left to look at Inara.

"I do somethin' not right?"

Inara shook her head and strode over. "No, not really." She intertwined her arm around her friend's then began their walk to the common room of the Training House. "She forgets that you're not here for companion training in the strictest sense."

Kaylee nearly choked. "No offense, Inara, but that ain't something I don't think I could do. I mean the sex part..." Her eyes glazed at remembering some previous sexual encounter that had been particularly rewarding. "It's just so rigid here." She stopped, looked to Inara then burst out laughing.

The Companion restrained her own laugh, but did smirk a little. Before her venture into the black, Inara Serra would have been offended by the play on words Kaylee had just used, but now, she recognised it for the innocent comment that was a little funny.

"Yes, things can be a little - stiff." She played into the humour herself and felt Kaylee's body shake a bit more at the pun.

The pair sat in an oversized couch covered in burgundy velvet and draped with a gold silken shawl. The wind was warm blowing into the large room and brought in the sweet smell of lilacs and cherries. The mechanic closed her eyes and let the sensation envelope her. This place was the most wondrous she'd ever been to and could hardly imagine how anyone would want to leave. Everything was perfect.

Inara felt the change in Kaylee since their arrival six days before. The younger woman had tension growing in her fairly well since Miranda, despite the Doctor's best efforts to bring joy to her life. With Jayne being so severely injured, Inara realised just how much Kaylee had been keeping within herself. If Jayne could be taken then they were all susceptible. When Inara had suggested Kaylee learn to defend herself, the idea took hold quickly, bringing them here.

"You miss 'em."

"Shuh muh?" Inara turned from her gaze out to the mountains beyond the airy door.

"Serenity." Kaylee lay back against the large cushioned back of the couch, watching her friend. "Don't feel right not bein' on her. Feels like we're missin' somethin'."

The Companion straightened her back, put on her best poker smile and placed a light hand on Kaylee's knee. "Or a certain someone, Kaywinnit Lee Frye?"

"Oh no," Kaylee started, rising to meet Inara's gaze, "don't go turning this on me." She leaned her shoulder in. "This is about you an' the Captain."

Deciding that not following this course of conversation was best, Inara rose. "I need to attend to a few details before we leave tomorrow."

"Like wavin' the Cap'n?" Her eyes jewelled.

With a soft laugh, Inara swept out of the room, her robes flowing. Kaylee watched and knew she'd hit the truth. For all the times that she'd come to Inara's shuttle asking advice on how to get Simon to notice her, or just to feel like a girl once in a while, the Companion never once mentioned her own thoughts about her love life. But Kaylee knew. Heck, the whole crew knew of that simmering pot, wondering when it was going to boil over.

Rising from the couch and smoothing out her dress, Kaylee went to the open door and burned the image of the mountain into her mind. No matter how many captures she'd taken of it, nothing could match the memory. She breathed deep, committing the scent and feel of the light wind to memory as well.

When the hand touched her left shoulder, her right flew across, grabbed the wrist and twisted violently. Facing her attacker, she added a knee punch to the stomach to finish off. Stopping to see the damage, Kaylee nearly cried. The same man from the bed attack was now doubled over in pain. "Oh, God. Oh, God!" She moved to grab his shoulders, but he backed away, finally able to right himself. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to...I just...Oh, God, I'm sorry."

He raised a hand to silence her. "Don't apologise," he struggled to say. Swallowing, he cleared his throat. "The Instructor asked me to do this."

"She what?"

"To see if you had learned anything."

Kaylee's wide eyes darted back and forth at the man in front of her. "A test?" She paused. "Did I pass?"

**Before...**

She watched his breathing, rough and strained. His body looked terrible and smelled worse. He had been in the med lab for nearly four days and no one had thought to bathing the mercenary. Jayne had never been one to take hygiene to its highest levels, but even he deserved some sort of cleaning.

At least, that's what Inara thought as she twisted the water out of the cloth and ran it along Jayne's arm. Her stroke was gentle, but deep. This man had seen so much suffering and Inara's heart ached. She hadn't spent much time with the man, for reasons that seemed more than good at the time, but not even with his crude tongue and foul mind did he merit the punishment his body was now recovering from.

Watching Simon care for the man and Kaylee offer her cheeriness had made Inara think that she too needed to help in some way. Now, here she stood, gazing down in horror and admiration at the man. Images of Jayne's body being loaded onto the shuttle still made her shiver. Lifting the dirt was lifting the memories.

"Cleanse the body, cleanse the soul," River's soft voice called from the corner. She sat with her legs crossed on the counter. Her head lay to the side on her hand as she watched the Companion continue with her washing.

A smile formed on the older woman's lips. She thought on her training, to a life so long ago that it may as well have been a different person's. They were just learning the arts of touch and the pleasure that could be found with water. Her instructor repeated an almost identical mantra to River's observation. Clients wanted fulfilment, wanted not only their desires to be satisfied, but their spirits rejuvenated. Inara had "the touch" as her teachers said, the gift of salvation of the soul for those who accepted it.

"Souls aren't real. Can't be quantified."

Inara continued to smile. "No, sweetie, they're real." She rinsed her cloth again. "You just need to know how to look for them."

"Oh, Inara," Simon said with surprise. "I wasn't expecting..."

The Companion gazed over and saw the haggard expression on the Doctor's face. Despite his best efforts to not care one whit about the mercenary, he had spent the most time of anyone worrying. Except perhaps for Kaylee.

Simon stepped through the hatch. "A bath?" He gave a side glance to his sister. "He could certainly use one." He stood at the monitors and checked Jayne's vitals. "Seems to be helping his condition." Taking a step back to his patient, he eyed him. "That eye still concerns me. I don't know how deep the cut was. Without the proper equipment, he might lose his vision, if not his eye all together."

Inara took away the bowl, emptying the contents. Returning to the bed, she pulled the sheet back up to Jayne's shoulders, mindful of the broken wrist and bandaged shoulder. "Sometimes things go beyond our ability to repair." She faced Simon, waited a moment, then smiled again. She lowered her eyes to Jayne then glided out of the room.

Watching her leave, Simon wondered if the Companion was referring to Jayne or something else.

River rolled her eyes. "She's talking about you and Kaylee, you dummy." The girl hopped down and strode out of the infirmary.

Sometimes, just some times, Simon wished his sister hadn't been a mind reading genius.

Somewhere in his mind, Jayne could feel the watery cool on his body, the softness and penetratin' touch of a woman performin' a heavenly act on him. Drops of water slid across and down his chest, relieving the heat building up there. Memories of orange and machines played across his mind and added more warmth. Another touch of moisture, another small river of drops and the warmth cooled, replaced with more memories of a birthday he'd never been to. Of a teddy bear jacket given just because.

He wanted to press the cool into him to quell the fire smolderin' in his gut, but he couldn't. His body seemed so real and so not. He thought maybe he was somewhere in th'middle a livin' an' dyin'. But this pleasure th'woman' ministrations were givin' only made him confused. If heaven wasn't wantin' him, he couldn't understand why it felt so much like it. And if this was the devil all done up pretty then maybe he was comin' t'collect.

Then he heard Crazy's voice an' knew it wasn't Lucifer. Knew he weren't dead, neither.

"Wakey, wakey, Jayne. Time to find your soul."

Fluttering his eye open, Jayne wished he hadn't. The light was bright and the face staring down at him was not altogether welcoming.

River gawked with a frown. "Can you feel it, there, inside you?" She poked his chest through the blanket.

"River, leave Jayne alone. He needs rest." Simon guided his sister away. He returned and checked the bag of fluids now dripping into Jayne's arm. "How are you feeling?"

Barely able to keep his one eye open, he grunted some sort of reply that Simon took to be a good sign. "At least you can still understand me. Well, as best as you and I have ever understood each other." Leaving a light hand on Jayne's arm, he continued. "You're on Serenity. You're safe."

"_They won't come for you. You and your kind are easily bought and sold. You don't mean a thing to your captain or crew." The whip flew again. An evil smile spread across an ugly face. The devil showin' his true self now, is he? He jerked against the shackles as the whip cracked his skin._

Jayne sucked in air too quickly and coughed. He felt Simon place an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and let the cooler air fill his lungs, the coughing subsiding. "You've had some trauma. Now it's time to let your body heal." Simon almost smiled then returned to his scans and data.

He felt his eye grow heavy, vaguely wondering why only one seemed to work. Letting it fall, he welcomed the void that was coming, with echoes of sad ships flittering across his brain.

"Got us a job, almost legal," Mal announced to his dwindling crew as they waited at the kitchen table for him. He sat and grabbed at the food closest to him. "Get us close to Newhall." Slopping the protein onto his plate, he dreamed of when fresh food would be regular and protein the rarity.

"Juarez?" Zoe inquired.

Mal nodded. "Quick pick up and quicker drop." He swallowed the food and wished he hadn't. "Another feast, I see."

Zoe eyed the Captain then to Kaylee. The young woman had spent the better part of the last four days watching Jayne and tending to Serenity. Sleep had been hard to come by and when it did, was fitful. The first mate would pass the infirmary to find the mechanic slouched on the sofa or on the med counter in the middle of some physical dream. She cried softly and her hands twitched every so often. Laying a light hand had calmed the woman enough to return her to normal sleep.

But it caused worry to Zoe. Kaylee was dreaming of something terrible, a notion Zoe knew all too well, yet had little handle on herself. So much had happened to all of them. At least she'd had combat training to help cope, but Kaylee had none. Her brightness had been dimming and everyone saw it.

Seeing it now, as matter of fact, as she covered a yawn with a grease covered hand.

"Best eat something, li'l Kaylee," Mal instructed, "then get yerself off t'bed. Can't be havin' my ship fall apart 'cause you were sleepin' on the job." He grinned, hoping she would see the good intention he meant the suggestion to be.

Kaylee nodded. "Sure, Cap'n, right after I check in on-" She stopped and looked at Simon. She swallowed. He had spent the entire time since Jayne's return working on his patient and attempting to avoid Kaylee. She didn't blame him for that, but it made things a mite awkward. "Right after dinner, I'll look after my girl." She smiled over to Mal.

"Good. Best if we get on the good side of the Juarez family and droppin' their cargo just wouldn't sit well." He took another bite. Since Miranda and the Operative's removal of ground for his enemy to go to, finding willing middlemen was becoming harder. He shook his head. Doing the right thing sure needed to pay off better.

**Later...**

"Mal," River called into the comm. "You have a waaaavvvvee," her voice singsonged. She grinned manically as she heard the racing bootsteps charge up the stairs into the cockpit. "Took your time." She grinned again.

Mal barely had time to fix his hair let alone give a reprimand to his co-pilot when Inara's image flashed across the vid screen. "Inara." He hoped sunspot interference would mask his giddiness in seeing her again.

"Mal." If she noticed, she gave no indication. "Everything is well?"

"Well as well can be given the circumstance."

Inara's forehead became lined. "Circumstance?"

"With Jayne and such."

The Companion nodded once. "Of course."

They stared at each other for a very long time until River coughed. "So what's the occasion to have you wavin'?" He scratched the hair at the back of his neck and wished for the hundredth time in the last minute that he'd at least been able to change out of his sweaty clothes and into something a little more captain-like.

"Kaylee is ready to come home."

Mal blinked. "Kaylee," he repeated.

"Yes. She's done quite well here and the Instructor has given her leave to go. Where are you?"

"Inbound for Newhall." _Ask her you idiot._

"We're not all that far. If we fully stock the shuttle, we should be able to rendez-vous with you in three days."

He wanted to kiss the screen. She said "we". He nodded while tightening his mouth. "Yeah, sounds good."

The silence was long again.

"Well," Inara began. "I'll wave you later then."

"Right. When you're closer..to...here."

With a warm smile, the Companion nodded then moved to flick the wave off. "Inara!"

"Yes?"

"Don't take too long."

The room that had seemed so small to Jayne had now become incredibly larger and tinier all at once. Being close to the infirmary was better for the doc, but it also made him far from everyone else. His weights might as well have been a thousand miles away for all the ability he had to get to them and meal time was whenever someone thought on bringing him something. The walls were beginning to close in on him, making him fidgety and nervous.

But when he tried to take a careful step from the bed, he understood just how far away that wall really was. Holding onto it with sweaty hands, and a puffing chest, he leaned as best he could against it. The trek across the room had been sickeningly slow and difficult. His insides were almost healed and only occasionally twinged. His shoulders were stiff, but no longer tender to move. What worried him, though, was his knee. No amount of reassurances from Simon that he would be able to walk without some type of crutch were able to penetrate his brain. Jayne Cobb was going to be a gimp and it unnerved him something awful. He couldn't let himself be seen as weak. Weren't mercenary-like.

Strangely, his eye wasn't as much worrisome. Only needed the one to set the sights. His hearing seemed same as always so he could rely on sound t'catch anyone sneakin' up on him. He only hoped that the eye wasn't funny lookin' once the bandages come off. Didn't care much t'resemble his former partner. Wondered, too, if the whores'd be so quick to jump him with his new look.

Taking a swallow and finding his breathing returning to normal, Jayne used his right hand to push himself more upright and away from the wall. He was mindful of his immobilised knee, planting it very gingerly on the ground.

"What in Hades sweet hell do you think yer doing?" Mal questioned as he opened the door. "Get yer ass back in bed."

"Aw Mal," Jayne countered, "man's gotta get up an' move. Sick a lyin' around so much."

Mal reached for Jayne's good arm. "Yeah, well, it won't do me no good t'have t'haul yer ass back to the Doc 'cause ya passed yerself out again." Both shuffled over to the bed were Jayne sat heavily.

Jayne gripped the side of the bed, feeling the sheets pull close to tearing. "Don't gotta remind me a that." His eye flinched at the thought of being stuck once more in that cold room hovered over by Crazy. "'Sides, I'm doin' better. Doc said so."

"That give you cause to go wanderin'? What were you tryin' t'do anyway?" Mal saw the big man's body tensing as though trying very hard to do something and not succeeding.

Jayne looked Mal squarely in the eye. "Don't rightly recollect."

The Captain saw the fear crossing Jayne's face, intuitively understanding the deeper meaning. Jayne was aware of his brain problems and it was beginning to scare the hell outta him.

"Look, Jayne," Mal began, digging his hands into his pockets. "You can take all the time in th'verse t'get better, ya know that."

Jayne thought on the words, unsure what Mal was really saying.

Mal sat on the bed and looked at the wall. _Ai ya. No wonder the merc wanted t'get outta this bed. If that weren't th'ugliest lookin' wall. Need t'fix up th'place some._ "I ain't got cause t'keep ya here."

The mercenary sighed deeply, nodding his head. "Didn't reckon so." He released the sheet and brushed his hands along his outer thigh feeling the raised skin from the cut. "Fer the best anyway. You got folks t'feed who do their share. Can't be wastin' th'little we get." His voice was low and deep.

Mal scrunched his brow. "What are you gettin' on about?" This idiot man think he was a waste on this boat? The crew needed the merc and he'd been a good hire. Most of the time. When he wasn't being selfish. Mal thought some more. Sort of not like how he was bein' right now. "Just figured you'd be wantin' t'get back t'Harvest and let yer ma know yer still breathin'."

Jayne gulped and Mal heard it. His one eye glazed over and he became very still. He felt the wind on his face, saw the dirty white sheets, smelled the dust. With a start, he twitched his head a little. "What? No. I mean..." He straightened his back, forcing out the flashback from his brain. "Ma's gone. Just... before." He couldn't look Mal in the face.

Mal took a slow breath. "On that, I am sorry, Jayne." He placed a soft hand on his crewman's shoulder for a short moment. Pulling it back, he went on. "You've still got a place on Serenity. If you're still interested."

Jayne turned as much as his stiff neck allowed him. "Ain't no good, Mal. Buggered eye, bum leg." He lightly shook his head. "Won't be able t'do my job." His voice softened. "No good."

"You're wrong there, Jayne." Mal rose. "We'll be on Newhall short like an' they got a hospital that'll make ya better than before. So don't go frettin'." He side grinned then left the room.

With his brain working over this new information, the big man was slowly understanding what Mal was tellin' him. _You're family, Jayne, and yer not a waste._ A smile slid across his features, painfully pulling on the stitches across his cheek. He had found his home.

End

A/N: there is more to tell about Jayne and his recovery. Maybe even some love between folk. Interested?


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